Off Topic - Senior Home Rhymes Lyrics

Fairy tales, nursery rhymes, promises, and lies
Anything's better than real life sometimes

Click my heels and hope for better weather and sunshine
Hope my girl's cheating and that kid's not mine
Cross my arms and wiggle my nose but that building won't explode
And my ankle-cut stocking's full of coal
Think happy thoughts but I'm still a gravity victim
Think more happy thoughts but my vertical is still inches
Let the force flow through me but I can only sink ships
And I haven't quite nailed the mind trick
I caught some gamma rays from the microwave but my complexion stayed the same
And that spider bite turned red but I can't spin a web
I spoke "Enter" in Elvish and the entrance ignored us
So I drove up to the window and I ordered
These jigawatts wouldn't get me to the future or the past
It turns out this Flex Capacitor's a waste of cash
I named my computer Hal and he killed the air conditioning
I said the password was Joshua but I guess he wasn't listening
Said Beetlejuice three times, I even did it in rhythm
But I guess that doesn't work if you're living
The goblins helped me out, but I couldn't solve the labyrinth
Thankfully I don't believe in magic so nothing bad happened
This girl I know is kissing frogs, looking for a prince
Now she can't get a date with all those warts on her lips
I tried her glass slippers on and got gay-bashed with a bat
Then the tooth fairy stiffed me for my missing molars and caps
So all I want for Christmas is my two front teeth
Instead I got a blender and a Crazy Straw from '83
And this is coming from my Tell-Tale Heart
But if you dig into my basement throw Sloth a chocolate bar
And I don't have a cornfield so the only signs I get
Are from my fellow Earthlings, third finger from the left
And my bike never flew, but it never had a basket
Looking back I'm glad it didn't, 'cause I might have got my ass kicked
Played all my records backwards, looking for the hidden caption
Now the voices in my head are telling me to take an Aspirin
And those green M&M's got ingredients special
I got the secret though, they're made out of people
So in six to eight weeks I'll get that special delivery
Y'all will be in trouble when I get my decoder ring
You might be saying, "Man, how dumb could this kid be?"
But I'm not the one watching reality TV
Unimaginable damage happens to these Adam's apple poet weaklings
Spit jagged shrapnel, break TriForce in eight pieces
Believe this graduate's experienced at writing thesis
Kill 'em one by one and endanger the species, yo
This is the plot twist that climaxed the never-ending script
Exercise my Voodoo Economics on these kids
The lowest lyricist don't benefit from trickle-down tactics
Every time I drop a track, DJ's invest in new wax and compact discs

Fairy tales, nursery rhymes, promises, and lies
Fairy tales, nursery rhymes, promises, and lies