ogiofthemoon - NOT OKAY Lyrics

No I'm not okay, but that's okay
I wouldn't choose to have it any other way
Life's a game, better learn how to play
But this ain't Call of Duty, this a real warzone
See I've been searching for the words that I could say
But, I keep coming back with nothing
I keep it pushing and I'll put that on my cousin
Mowing down my demons by the motherf*cking dozen
Well I don't shy away from nothing, don't you tempt me
Just trying to see a day that I can buy my pops a Bentley
And blessings for my mama like someone up there sent me
Like, I'm trying to see a better future if you'd let me
But even if you don't, I ain't taking that shit gently
You step in front of me and I'mma show you where the end be
You say you need some bullets, well I'm coming through with plenty
I'm ripping through your veins like my middle name was fetty
I'll leave you in the gutter and that's word straight to your mother
I only f*ck with real you can miss me with the other
I'm trying to find a way for my sisters and my brothers
When I put it up from half court, I'll bet I beat the buzzer
No I'm not okay, but that's okay
I wouldn't choose to have it any other way
Life's a game, better learn how to play
But this ain't Call of Duty, this a real warzone
See I've been searching for the words that I could say
But, I keep coming back with nothing
I keep it pushing and I'll put that on my cousin
Mowing down my demons by the motherf*cking dozen
Okay, way back in the day, I was only twelve
I was in my basement smoking dope, twisted in a shell
I ain't ever did that shit before, yeah and you could tell
I was scared my mom was gon' bust in and send my ass to hell
I was scared the feds gonna take me and put my ass in jail
Didn't know how any of that worked, I was too young
But I was curious, so I got my little move on
My homie with that bag and he called that shit a fusion
Or maybe he said hybrid, memory a little hazy
It's been a little funky ever since I was a baby
I used to dissociate, they called that shit a day dream
But really I was f*cked up, it goes deeper than it may seem
I was f*cking contemplating living on the daily
And that was just my life until the day that I turned eighteen
A little piece of paper on my tongue, I was shaking
Hadn't even set out on my journey, heart was racing
And when I came around it's like a weight had f*cking lifted
Landed back on Earth with perspective that was shifted
Everything I thought I knew before, I was dead wrong
My journey to the moon helped me get my f*cking head on straight
I no longer hate, I no longer lie
Usually I would just say that I was fine
But ever since then I no longer see the purpose
It's only you that can let you feel worthless
I'm not okay
And that's okay