Pharaoh 101 - State of Mind Lyrics

I'm tired of feeling this
I'm tired of getting this
Money cause everything I dream
Won't get me none of this
I'm not having fun with this
I'm tired of numbing this
This just ain't a trouble-less world
The pain yeah I'm stuck with this
I'm tired of running this
I'll never be done with this
I feel like I'm so depended on
Your luck is my love for this
I know what I done for this
I know what I've done for myself
But every chance you get
You come running just to ask for my help
I'm tired of making this personal
I'm trying not to make this worse for y'all
But sometimes I don't want to talk about
The issues that you involved in
I'm more worried bout hurting y'all
Oh the struggle of being nice
I swear
I'm tired of this
I wish I didn't always want to care
They admire this
The kind hearted kid
Swearing I'm rare
Benign, I will not lie
I wish my heart just wasn't there
I'm tired of my consideration
Like why am I in this bitter nation?
Why bothering
Cause I'm falling in deep
Pure OCD got me swallowing
Alcohol and to be honest
My longing for all of this
To be gone and unseen
To be forgotten for all
Of the shit
I've caused, cause I've seen
More than once
She wanted to not exist
Cut her wrists and then bleed
She felt unwanted
It haunted me and it got me to see
I was the cause and effect
Of her decision to believe
There was no place on this whole earth
Living like there's no worth
How could I just go hurt
And desert you, I exerted
No effort
Now I struggle with a song when my ex heard it
You told me that you got knocked up
But it ain't even been nine months
When we broke up
Don't think that you just lied once
Cause if so, you cheated
When we was together
When you told me, that's why I wrote
I Was in Love, the letter
I'm tired of feeling this
I'm tired of getting this
Money cause everything that I dream
Won't get me none of this
I'm not having fun with this
I'm tired of numbing this
This just ain't a trouble-less world
The pain yeah I'm stuck with this
I'm tired of running this
I'll never be done with this
I feel like I'm so depended on
Your luck is my love for this
I know what I done for this
I know what I've done for myself
But every chance you get
You come running just to ask for my help
How does it feel to be on top for real
Possessive of knowledge
But ignorance is all that appeals
People presenting pettiness
Though that purpose reveals
Your intentions are effortless
Proven through this ordeal
Clearly our differences
Are indefinite instances
My intentions are not to finesse
I want to provide
The life that I'm living now
As much as I put my heart out
There's not much I can do but doubt
Thoughts caressing me
Suicide