Birfday Video (MV)

You can tell in someones face
If they believe your answer when they ask if you're okay
And they can tell by the way, I always say I'm great
That this state doesn't end, maybe it twists and it bends
Maybe exists in your head until there's nothing left
Grin and bear it, it became a chain that I was wearing
Until that day in April, when it all became too much
I thought I was so tough, i'd been making so much up
So I wouldn't have to talk to or touch
See or mind anyone, I'd really had enough
I nearly left too, but I couldn't've left you
You'd have to hide away, just like I did
Never had place for self inflicted violence
Absolute silence suited me better
The science behind it was so clever
If I don't speak about it, it's not here
Pouring weather, window shut
I can keep it locked in, it's not fear
That keeps me up, it's whatever weighs my soul down and eats me up
Makes me keep on getting f*cked up to numb it out

I get so numb
Every night is like my birthday
I bite my thumb
One year on
I have no fun
Still in the same place

I never tried to explain, I just hide it away
Theres no physical pain, there wasn't much that I could say
For fear of being told I was ungrateful
I pushed it down and tried to take it
I feel the worst on my birthday
No matter what I play
No matter what I say
Beating sun but I can feel the rain
My face is numb and it's like
My mind is filled with gum
Thoughts and notions curl together
I'm not so clever in the dark
I, lose a life every time
I get the opportunity to cry
And hold it in to maintain
The mask of that wavy guy
I guess it feels weird to say
I hurt bare
Major air of indifference now
I'm logging out
It don't compute
Gonna work in the quiet private
Fill my wardrobe with some wicked shoes
We never did relate tbh I'm sick of you
Sick of useless moods in which
I cannot move

I get so numb
Every night is like my birthday
I bite my thumb
One year on
I have no fun
Still in the same place

Look at what I
Got my
Self into
Always so angry
So I stay quiet
Just in case
I forget to stop
My, words from
Hurting more than fists do
I lost my, mind a while ago
Probably cause I got
Shit pushin me
To the edge
And I can't let it go
Man I'm selfish
Man I'm helpless
Try and make my
Self into
Someone you look up to
But no one likes the bottom
No thinks I'm honest
So what have I
Got to show except a couple
Dreams from the fever
Of my nights
And nothing's slowing down
I'm going down, titanic
I brang it, to my head
But I'm scared to blast it
Cause what if I get past it
What if in the future I am laughing
Looking back and damn near cackling
Cause this was just a silly phase
Just a few hundred in a hundred thousand days
Tryna find a way to get the end I'm
Wishing you would give to me
Sim pully I want to be gone
From this state, cause every day
I cannot speak
Afraid of being me
No one got me anyway
So any day from now
You can see me out
Tryna get my head above the clouds
Gotta get together
I shine whatever weather
Okay that's a lie
Cause I got some
Suicidal thoughts within
A head that holds the smile I hide it with
Forever dying over losses
I could never win
But one day, you can catch me grin
Like Khaled cause all I'm tryna do is win

I get so numb,
Every night is like my birthday
I bite my thumb
One year on
I have no fun