polearm - abide Lyrics

I know that I made up some more rules, but I no longer abide
And I still recognize the internal problem's mine
I don't even say anything to make myself feel like shit
Not like I even try, I see my doubts inside
Honestly I don't wanna leave
So I can't weigh you down
Long as you care for me
It'll come right back around
Everyday I hold together, hoping I make you proud
The cycle is forever, I'm tryna make it count
I'm getting my health back in check
No more red meat or croquettes
I'll live to 90 and die with no lingering regret
I'm no longer leaning on a vice, I still forget how to cope
I get discouraged daily
I botched the line, I choked
I kept on pushing the limit but it still wasn't enough
I kept on bridging the gap but I still didn't touch
And when I can't write a song, feels like I'm fading away
Over out to the grey hanging over the lake
I gotta get out my ways but there's still nothing at stake
It might be blocking my blessings the way I'm filled with this hate
So I made up some more rules, but I no longer abide
And I still recognize the internal problem's mine
I don't even say anything to make myself feel like shit
Not like I even try, I see my doubts inside
Honestly I don't wanna leave
So I can't weigh you down
Long as you care for me
It'll come right back around
Everyday I hold together, hoping I make you proud
The cycle is forever, I'm tryna make it count
I'm getting my health back in check
No more red meat or croquettes
I'll live to 90 and die with no lingering regret
I'm no longer leaning on a vice, I still forget how to cope
I get discouraged daily
I botched the line, I choked