Pulze - Deva Lyrics

It's been 9 years since the day I thought would never come
Took me by surprise and then completely shocked everyone
You battled on your own but I know you wished that help will come
Know you fought your hardest but I'm so mad that the devil won
When my mother called me I knew one family member died
You didn't cross my mind because there was no way you weren't alive
I found out it was you, I burst into tears, started to cry
I couldn't believe it 'cause in my eyes you could never die
At that time I was going through some shit
I was 15 years old, yeah I was just a kid
I fell out with my mam, I went to your house to live
I was trying to stay calm, but my mam I can't forgive
She was singling me out at home, I didn't like it
I was ringing you on my phone, I couldn't fight it
I couldn't fight it alone, with me you sided
So then you fell out with my mam while she denied it
So then you took me in and cared for me
Even with your own two kids you were there for me
Living in a house nobody was attacking me in
And I had peace in my mind, I was happy again
But then my mother called, said she wanted me home
Said she wanted to talk, so you hand me the phone
She was trying to be nice, I said my answers no
Thought you were on my side, but you said I should go
It was at that moment I felt I was on my own
You the only one there for me but now I felt alone
I felt like you turned your back on me, I started to pack
You said that if I'm not happy at home, I'm still welcome back
So then I went home but the problems were still there
And not one thing even changed, I was sad, it wasn't fair
Months had passed, on a Wednesday I met you in town
You were heading out with my uncles, you said I should come down
I told you that I wouldn't be allowed
She didn't want me to see you and the reason was because you two fell out
You told me I that I should get the bus out and stay the night
But I knew that if I asked my mother, it would cause a fight
Wanted to see you, I couldn't ask cause I was nervous
Spent the next few days just building up the courage
I was eating dinner with my family that Sunday
Finally asked if it was okay to see you some day
Her response was a no, my reply was a why
Then we went back and forth until it was a fight
I said you were my family I'll see you if I want
But she wasn't having none of it so I said k we're done
Then Sunday came around, over one week since I saw you
I didn't expect to get news that I would ball to
My mother brought me home, sat me down, I was stressed
Then she said to me that Deva was found dead
My head fell in my hands, then I filled my hands with tears
Believe me when I say I cried, 'cause I cried for 5 years
You were the closest person to me, I miss you a lot
Memories and pictures of you now that's all I got
Bet you never thought that I would feel your pain
Never thought that 4 years later I would almost do the same
But the thing is nothing changed, and I'm still feeling this way
'Cause some days I'm feeling great but then some days I feel insane
Like I'll dive inside a grave, meet you at the pearly gates
Then I find reasons to stay, so my life I try to save
Stop and think, I'm like wait, does this all show that I'm brave
'Cause my life just keeps on flowing so I'll keep riding the wave
You were stronger than I am, imma say this, probably shouldn't
But I still really don't know how I got through it and you couldn't
This might sound bad but that's not how it's propelled
But I'm proud that I got through it and I know you're proud as well
Every time I think of you, it feels like I'm impaled
Feels like I'm a paying the price by being stabbed with nails
I try to keep my mind off of it, but to no avail
Because I think that I could've saved you, so that means I failed
You'll live on forever, I know that's a fact
And one day we'll meet again, wherever you're at
I'll tell everyone about you, all the memories I've gotten
What I'm saying is you'll never be forgotten