it wasn't what i wanted Video (MV)

"It began the night of our January school play
Not my self consciousness, but my story of overcoming it
We had a party onstage after the play
Oh, I wasn't in the cast
Not me
I was on the stage crew
Because- but I'll tell you about that later"

Dishes piling up in my bed
And I can't keep things straight
No, I can't keep things straight
Mentholated cigarette in my hand
And I can't take a drag
You can keep the pack
I won't eat you can leave it out for the ants
They've become my friends
I'm squishing them in my hands

For my special friend
For my special friend
For my special friend

Don't read, delete all my texts
I'm not coming back
That's not what I meant
I know how to get a second chance
I can't take that debt
It's not worth the fret
You know by now I'm a mess
I won't put you through the rest
I can't put you through the rest

("And the words didn't want to come out")
For my special friend
("And she was staring at- was my face broken out again?")
For my special friend
("And I remembered coming out to try out for this play")
("Boy I really wanted the part, I felt sure I could get one too, until-")
For my special friend
("Uh- I'm I'm not going to try out. Uh- I'd like to work on stage crew")
("The stage crew... well it was fun")
("But it wasn't what I wanted")