Sarenrae - Passage III. Clinging to a Coveted Fixation Lyrics

This is a continuation of a series of short writings that I created in the days and weeks following the death of my dear wife
I here present the next entry in my passages of ecstasy and anguish
Passage III: Clinging to a Coveted Fixation

I keep talking about this shit, and I keep trying to say something to you
I don't know why. Why should I continue to breathe
You had to stop, and I still aspire to be like you
To be empathetic and empathic and emphatic like you

My soul is still ceaselessly searching, trying to find you
Maybe someday I can get through to you

My vision of the world is now yellow-gray and musty
The air is either dense, still, and lifeless, or so thin and free of oxygen that I am suffocating
What snare captured then twisted our destinies that it could cause such anguish

My being, my existence, has been ripped in half, desperately seeking to feel whole once more
Where are you? How can I find you
Did you still love me, or was I just a necessary companion
To walk with you through the flames of hell on earth
And to escort you to your last breaths

My soul is still ceaselessly searching, trying to find you
Maybe someday, is there some way I can be with you
My soul is searching for a last breath
Last breath

I keep looking for signs
Are signs a thing
Maybe when I don't feel you, you are embracing and figuring out the afterlife and finding community
Conversing with angelic heralds or singing with saints

My soul is still ceaselessly searching, trying to find you
Maybe, maybe someday I can be again with someone like you
There you go again, a true angel of intrinsically adept altruism
Your aura of warmth and kindness always exuded staunchly and steady

No surprise that you'd do this there too
My soul is still ceaselessly searching, trying to find you
Maybe someday, I can move on from the idea of being with you
Last breath

I keep yearning for impossibilities
While knowing there is no sense, I covet the concept of your presence, fixated on us together
You might be speaking, maybe I'm not listening
Your suffering well exceeded mine, yet now I plead for you to somehow do the impossible

Reversing it all wouldn't be a remedy
We're all just stuck on this island of agitation, with no recourse for a solution
My soul is still ceaselessly searching, trying to find you
Maybe someday, I can feel around me the spiritual presence of you

My soul is still ceaselessly searching, trying to find you
Maybe someday, I can be with you again
Maybe someday, I can feel around me the spiritual presence of you again
Maybe