The Shemps - Who Brought the Dick? Lyrics

Well you're the smartest guy around, but you're the only one who knows it
If your brain was a radiator, then your eyeballs would be frozen
Don't you worry for a minute, I know you're gonna fit in
We're gonna make you a star, of a Chico California bar

You're a cog in the machine, the man behind the broom
Always about a flight below the current level of the room
Well, we got a job for you, Squeaky's gonna tell you what to do
"You got to learn how to play this song, or make it up as you go along"

You came to drink, we came to play
So sit at the bar until we go away
We might not be the band that you came to see
But for the next twenty minutes, you're stuck with me

We're as good as it gets tonight, baby we're The Shemps

If you use a stolen license, when you want to drive a car
If it's eleven in the morning and you're sitting at a bar
Or if your wife is the one who cuts your hair and you feel like life ain't fair
Things can't get any worse, 'cause it's the third and final verse

We're the band without a plan, the friends of your friends who you can't stand
Gathered together, tonight on stage.
We're Artie, Neil, Neil, Bill, Jim and Dave

We're as good as it gets tonight, honey we're The Shemps

Don't come crying to me, if you got in free
It must get you pissed that we get paid for this