Dave: Penith (The Dave Soundtrack (Lil Dicky) Album Lyrics

(Yeah, yeah, yeah, hey)
I feel brand new (whoa, yeah)
I feel brand new (new, ayy)
I feel brand new
I cannot move
I'm feeling brand new (woo)
You cannot say what I can't do
I feel so brand new
I feel so brand new

I gotta be, everything, that I can be
I gotta do this thing, honestly
Why can't I do it all, honestly?
I bet I shock 'em when I drop
I know they probably think I'm washed
I'm kettle cookin' with the chip
It's on my shoulders 'til we win
I'm gettin' older by the minute, yeah
I really had it up to here
They always lookin' like they're wingin' it
I've been plannin' every meal, mm
Got me sippin' on this beer, ooh
And I don't even f*ck with beer, no
I need some water and ideas, yeah
I gotta start to make it clear, uh
I'm kinda peepin' all the fallacy
I'm powered by the people doubtin' me
I had to eat it like a ton of calories
And the analogy is that I'm blowin' up
But I've been carryin' this weight
So I found a way and now they weighin' in on my art
But I will never let nobody second guess my heart (uh)
I'm really sick of all the pageantry (mm)
And they don't even have the faculties
Yet they tryna teach me what I have to be (mm)
But they don't comprehend the packagin', opennin' up
F*ck my old shit, all of it sucked
Piss on them records, I shit on them records
I thank everybody who saw the potential in me, but I still had to get it inevitably
If I could I would sit down and conversate with every hater and try to debate 'em
I know its subjective but it's my objective to do it so well that it's not
You can count on me, one, two, three
When you got the vision up in you, why would I give a f*ck what they tryna see? (Uh)
How can I make such insensitive shit and be so sensitive?
I'm hypocritical, too hypercritical
It can get miserable, I'm up on Twitter and I'm readin' into it
And the most pitiful part of the whole thing
Is I wanna tweet that I'm up at the pinnacle
I wanna make 'em remember they didn't, no
I want a pat on their head like ridic bro
I gotta tell you some shit that you didn't know
Or I can let it go and just forget it
But if I forget it then they'll never get it
But now it's all startin' to feel unforgettable, you lil' bitch
Yeah, levelled up (uh)
F*ck all that bein' benevolent
I am the best there never was
Remember there ain't no timelines when you timeless (no)
Ain't no guidelines when you guideless (uh)
Sippin' Mai Tais, stand at top fives
Knowin' my time isn't timeless, it's tickin' (Tic-tic, tic-tic, tic-tic)
Please, don't make me get a Tiktok
Got my feet up while they flip-flop
People tryna speak for Hip-Hop
Got me really 'bout to call the opps out
I think if I did, I'd have an anxiety attack
But maybe they'll feel how real my raps are
Maybe they'll believe me when I say
I know I could get it if I want (uh)
But gettin' there's not gettin' that if you're not don't get it how you want (uh)
I know that's privileged, but I been embraced by a community
'Cause I'm not doin' you, I'm doin' me
But I just really hope you see the you in me (yeah)
'Cause if you act cool with your guard up
Then you probably out here just ballin' like Hot Sauce (uh)
I'm in another f*ckin' league (my G)
I don't really care what the Ebros think, I don't really care what they need (no)
I got 'em out here actin' childish (uh)
My mama hope for an engagement (uh)
But I been focus on engagement
This entertainment, can't entertain that shit (no)
I hate doin' karaoke but I love doin' festivals, my G (uh)
I'll try to be the G.O.A.T. before, I try a vegetable, my G
Two times out of ten, I might get a centerfold, but I ain't lookin' for a GG
Flowin' with the rap, like I get it out the tap, I ain't out here lookin' for a Fiji
Yeah, I been out of bounds with it ever since I stepped in
Had to smile at the intervention
Back in Maui, I could feel the tension
Head down, workin' high tension
That's how it goes with intentions (uh)
I'm pessimistic that I'm losin' some but I'm optimistic we can get wins
Icons tellin' me I'm re-inventin' genres
Meanwhile a hipster in pyjamas sleep walkin' through another blog post
Groundbreakin' every time I step out
You know no one took it out to step down
Now the chef cookin', are you fed now? (Mm)
We'll see who's hungry in the end
I gotta be (I gotta be)
I gotta (I gotta be)
I gotta (I gotta be)
(Honestly)

You don't even care about me
Tell me why I care about you
This ain't the movies, but I think that you're the one

Rachel, let me be your Mr. McAdams
Rachel, they gon' call me Mr. McAdams
I'll take your name girl, facts
It's insanely farfetched
I ain't playing, why you think I've been rapping
To be Mr. McAdams, say yes

Don't lie to me, don't lie to me, don't lie
You think I'm f*cking sick
You think I lost my shit
You think I'm weird AF
But that endearing freckle upon your chin is too much
I got a freckle on my face too
I know you've dated Taylor Kitsch (huh)
And I know you've seen Ryan Gossling's dick (skrrt)
Oh, girl, I don't know it all, girl
I just wanna take you to a ball, have a ball, girl

Valet will call me Mr. McAdams
Rachel, they gon' call me Mr. McAdams
I'll take your name girl, facts
It's insanely farfetched
I ain't playing, why you think I've been rapping
To be Mr. McAdams, say yes (hey, hey, hey)

Are you a blonde or brunette?
You pull 'em both off like socks in a bed (hey)
Notebook even had a little bit of red (true)
I don't know why I'm telling you about your hair (no)
You would know best, you was there, it's your hair (stupid)
Girl, I confess that I suck dick (ayy)
Not suck dick like gave head (nah)
I'm just bad at doing this shit (ayy)
Girl, just let me prove hat I'm him (please)
Heard you're 5'4", I bet you ain't even know that's my idea height (ayy)
I'm 6" (ay), eh 5'11", I'm 5'10" (oh)
Friends say I'm funny (yeah)
And I got fans too so I can relate to this being off-putting (sorry)
But I just know you'd like what I could give (swerve)
Imagine guac without no chips (ooh)
Imagine me up at your door (ayy)
Out of nowhere, what would you say?
What would we do? (Ayy) probably be weird
Too much buildup (uh), too much presh
Or maybe we would f*ck like rabbits
Maybe I'm your Brad Pitt
F*ck Brad Pitt, don't think about him

I'm Mr. McAdams (Mr. McAdams)
Rachel, they gon' call me Mr. McAdams (Mr. McAdams)
I'll take your name girl, facts
It's insanely farfetched
I ain't playing, why you think I've been rapping
To be Mr. McAdams, say yes

You don't even are about me
Tell me why I care about you
This ain't the movies, but I think that you're the one
Rachel, let me be your Mr. McAdams (McAdams, McAdams, McAdams)

That's a joke, that's a joke
Ha-ha-ha (ha), they gettin' roast (they gettin' roast)
Ha-ha-ha (that's a joke), that's a joke (ha-ha)
Ha-ha-ha (ha), what a joke (ha, ha-ha-ha)

Aw, yeah, yeah, yeah
I'm get the last laugh, now, right here
I remember I was gettin' by until I had to get it all
Could just be a movie star now, but I'm just gettin' to the punchline of everything
So buckle up 'cause this a long ride like a limousine
My girl love when I spoon her all night like vanilla bean, I like drinkin' Hennessy
I got a lot of rapper in me pause, now they wrapped around my finger, wedding ring
Everything gotta line it up
Super calculated like a TI-83 Plus (woah)
I was out in China, gettin' the bread, rappin' to 'em
No, I wasn't but you believe me
'Cause I'm the type of guy that could be rappin' out in China, I'm swimmin' in vagina
I get it, I do it, sometimes I f*ck for fitness (woo)
I got the pussy off Olympics, sweatin' like Olympics
I need to take a breather but she pleadin' say she need it
Back to back to back (uh), like I'm Kobe, Shaq
I don't know but I got Storch Scott up in my ear
And he like, "Dave, you gotta booya on that back" (yeah)
If I went back on Bumble, bet the servers probably crumble
I am just another muggle 'til I'm not one
It's hard to say nothin' like you up on Hot Ones
I just got the new facts, and they say I'm top one
Women shave they pussy smooth, lookin' like a Ken doll
Should've said a Barbie doll, oh well
Goodbye, au revoir
Y'all in limbo, raised the bar
I get on racks like my arm bar (uh)
I gave my best friend my old car (uh)
I tried to tell you, I'm a winner, it's just a matter of when (woo)
I hit the club up with the players then get brunch with GM (facts)
All this smoke, these gold singles make me proud
If the shit ain't platinum, what the f*ck we talkin' 'bout
Baby, I just bought a house
Baby, ain't no shoes allowed
Baby, my girl so goddamn tanned
She look racially ambiguous, picture this
I'm on prime time, gettin' head while I watch myself up on prime time
Gettin' head and I'm even in a few commercials
And the commercial breaks sellin' sex
Literally what's your hundo?
I got the block on lock like I'm Mutombo (ooh, yeah)
The way I write, you might as well call me Drumbo (ooh, ooh, ooh)
This check for me or am I seein' double?
I would lift weights at the gym but then I'm like, "Why?" (Why would I do that?)
I'm a nice guy, gas when I walk by
I just got a package in the mail and I f*cked twice
Juggin', finessin', LeBron up in my mentions
They peanut butter jealous, I'm on her like Nutella
These motherf*ckers, they done lost me, everything I'm doin' lofty
I'm kinda wearin' on 'em like a soft tee, I got it ground up like coffee
I had an '06 write it up, wildin out
Back in '06, I was talkin about graduatin', now I'm on Wild "N Out
Time has changed, got a lil grayness in my hair, I don't care
I gotta face it, I ain't never know how the money payment workin'
There's a person, couple people probably, I don't even bother
Big up to the father, he be so responsible and so logical
What am I even doin'? Why am I rappin' like this? I'm such a loser
I hate when rappers try to rap fast
Make the kids dance (ayy), women lick my anus (woah)
Think pieces on me, New York Times, I made it (woah)
I'm f*ckin' like a fable, doggy style whilr she kegels
Then we eat a couple bagels with The LOX word to Jada (Jada told me I'm the best)
And guess what? I'm the it guy for America (oh)
Don't mind me, I'm over here just redefinin' the alpha male (woo)
Don't mind me, I'm over here just gettin' all the opps (all the opps)
How they rappin'? I been workin' on my craft, makin it happen (work, work)
We should make a bracket
Don't forget that I'm the comedian, but I'm better than the rappers?

That's a joke, that's a joke
Ha-ha-ha (ha), they gettin' roast (they gettin' roast)
Ha-ha-ha (that's a joke), that's a joke (ha-ha)
Ha-ha-ha (ha), what a joke (ha, ha-ha-ha)

I f*cked the whole thing up
I did it all backwards
Now I'm all alone with my rap verse
I can barely share a password

I said we'd dance, I left you there (oh)
I left me there too
You had my back, I puked on you (oh)
I chased my dream so much it ran
I can't make jokes without your laugh, it seems
I'd do anything to melt you, I took you for granted
I'll give you belly rubs too, I did you like the rabbit
It's killing me to kill you, and you were the magic

But I f*cked the whole thing up
I did it all backwards
Now I'm all alone with my rap verse
You were the best at my worst
And I miss you Ally (hoot-hoot)
I'm lost without you, hoot-hoot
(I f*cked the whole thing up)

And you know 'bout me
I know you think you won't grow 'round me
But there's a lie you don't know about me
Meet me at the spot, you won't go without me
Or maybe I'm just in denial
I just thought that what we had was undeniable
Narrators aren't always so reliable
I know I said what I should've done
Then I stole your heart like a hoodlum
I know all types of ways to make you laugh
But you know in the end I'll make you sad
And I know in the end I'll make you proud
But if you wanted closure
I'm the wrong guy around (wrong guy around)
But maybe we can take a chance tonight
Maybe we could maybe do it right
Maybe I could do it all over again
Or not, maybe we'll just be best friends
Or not, maybe we'll just try to pretend
That is not, that's a lot
And I, I would tell you I was wrong, but I'm right
I could ask for another night with this song
But I rather have another song for a night
'Cause maybe then I'll get to see my girl for the night

I f*cked the whole thing up
I did it all backwards
Now I'm all alone with my rap verse
You were the best at my worst
And I miss you Ally (hoot-hoot)
I'm lost without you, hoot-hoot

Let's take it back (hey, hey)
Let's take it back (hey)

I didn't have a chance
I was walking with my bag down the street to Harrison Ave
Summer's over, back to class, way before I had a sedan
Hit the bus stop and then glanced at the kids and then bam
I saw Brittany for the first time, I was in a trance
Who the hell was this? New chick I never met
Was friends with girls, but I hadn't really been attracted to nobody yet
But 8th grade was going crazy, this bitch was so amazing
Walked up and said, "Hi, I'm Dave," and then shit changed
She told me she just moved into town
I knew it, no doubt, I loved this girl inside and out
Her beautiful smile, her hair and her style were drivin' me wild
We sat together on the bus, we sat together every lunch
She has me switching up to polos and ditching yo-yo's
I went from moving solo dolo to being so O-B-S-E-double-S-E-D
Thought about her constantly, on Kazaa burning her CDs
'Cause I saw her and she saw me (aw)
But back then, I was gross (eugh)
I'd do the most for a joke (ah)
I'd show my asshole to girls (man)
And I just really wasn't the brand of guy that would get the girls
I had no facial hair, just curls
And all my friends had kissed a girl except me
And I just wanted to be realistic about it
I didn't want to mess the whole thing up (no)
And I just loved being around her
So I took the best friend route (oh)
That shit was so fun I don't care what any of you guys say
The hottest girl I ever met tickling my arm, going to the mall with her, chatting on AOL all night
We talked about plenty things, everything we could
How her parents treated her and how she felt misunderstood
She would tell me shit on AIM in person that she never could
I talked her through it
I took a ton of pride up in the fact that I made her feel good
Started hanging out up in the basements
Playin' "Spin the Bottle", watchin' her turn land on Jason
I closed my eyes until we played the "Nervous Game"
Where I would place my hand up on her breast over her bra
That was incredible, that was raw, I jerked off to that all fall
Winter snow days watching the television like, "Come on"
Seeing what the hell they call, hit the landline and I call
Hope she picks up, not her mom
But you'll never know what's coming
When you're young and you're in love
High school next year, this a problem
Sophomores, juniors, seniors, everybody saw her
I remember browsing Blockbuster with her
When this senior cocksucker told her she looked beautiful
She blushed, he was popular, I just stood to the side and waited
Obviously, they started dating
Harrison Ave. just wasn't the same without her
No bus stop, he drove her to school
In a car with rims and real big bass
Hated this guy, hated their vibe, I hated his face
I waited for the demise but it never seemed to happen
She was too attached and he latched on
Now she leavin' my friend group
Smokin', drinkin' with them dudes
Oh no, we are not ready for that
We got pizza by the slice, big ol' shoutout to "Frank's"
That's where I was when I found out that they were having sex (f*ck)
I hit the beach just to meet her, but they already left
And her presence was missed, but she still my best friend
Mozzarella sticks, I never sat with her at lunch
I strategize my hallway walk so I could see her some
The only class we had together, Spanish, what the f*ck
I was Carlos, she was Mia
Why did they make us choose Spanish names, by the way?
Isn't that insane? (Yes) I digress
Of course he cheated on her, she would call me so depressed
But she kept goin' back, Mapquestin', printin' out directions
I designated drive to his parties, that shit was so-
I was soft, I was pussy, I was weak, I was lame
But whatever, I'm in 9th grade, what the hell could I say? (Uh)
But one time I stayed home, his party got busted by the popo
It made me so so so so so so happy
He got grounded and the dance was this week (ha)
I never went to those, but now she could just stay home with me (hey)
Why didn't I go to them?
Okay, 'cause I was scared of getting boners on the dance floor
The whole thing was overwhelming, it was just a bizarre social situation
I didn't drink, everyone did, whatever, back to the story
I was excited to just chill with her, return to our glory
Then she like. "Dave, wait, we should go to the dance together" (huh?)
"Just be my date!"
I'm like, "What?" She like, "Yeah"
I'm like, "Uh"
I came then came out, brain just said yes (yeah)
Popularity-wise, this is a jetpack, and I miss my friend
And obviously I was fully in love with her, so I said, "Okay, no problem"
I got my suit with my mama
Then we all met up at a fella's house to take a few pics
Sixteen girls, sixteen guys, parents filming this shit (ooh)
I pull up with my mama, oh my God there's a problem
The f*cking guy isn't grounded, he's really there with his arm around her
I couldn't believe it, she said that he showed up and surprised her
And then of course somebody's like, "We gotta take a wide pic" (everyone)
Thirty-three people, only one had no date
My mama asking me why, but I felt way too ashamed
So I just lied, I told her that I knew this was happening
And that everything was good, and I could not abandon that
So I went with them, in the limo, in the dinner
Macaroni Grill, I'm the thirty-third wheel, is this is real?
But it got worse, right before the bill
A bunch of waiters and waitresses bringing cake to my table
They're all singing happy birthday to me
(What?) Happy birthday to me
Not my birthday, and of course this f*cking restaurant has this custom
Where you gotta stand up on the table
And wave a f*cking napkin while everyone stares
I saw the older guys laugh, so I just played into it
I'm on the table dancing, embarrassed, but no one knew it
Except Britney, and she had been drinking, shit
The water bottle full of liquor lower than my confidence
I said I had to piss, hoping that she would just follow me
She did, and I walked right past the bathroom into the parking lot
Where I told her, I told her everything on my mind, I told her everything
Every single song that made me think about her every day
Everybody said that we're just kids, but that never changed
The fact that to this kid, you were his everything
The next part I will never forget
She walked right up to me slowly, then she gave me a kiss
First kiss, oh, no way, no, oh my God (woah)
Then she said, "I love you too"
I didn't believe her at first, I thought she was drunk (oh, my God)
But then the next day she was singing the same song? (Woo)
She ran over to my crib and was all over me
We started kissing, touching, blushing, gushing
There was no humping yet, not then, but I would settle for love
Got my first handjob in a park, really came out the mud
I couldn't believe it was a dream
I planted my seed on Harrison Avenue yet again
I really did it, huh? (Yeah)
And then all of a sudden, it was done
Just a month long, and then she moved on
I never knew someone could make you feel so right and so wrong
So good and so bad, either way I had what I had
And to show me I was who I was, and that I was worthy of love

I love you girl (I'm still emotional a bit)
I love you girl (I'm still evolving)
I love you girl

(Got it on Smash)
I'm a hopless romantic

I just got left that hurt
She was my best and worst
Come and collect your shirts
It cannot get much worse
F*ck it, I'ma ball like Nurc' (woo, woo)
F*ck it, I'ma ball like Durk
Hopin' that my heart don't burst
Either way, I'll be Milly Rockin' in this bitch (yeah)

Time of my life
I was just, we were just, we were just
Chillin', gettin' high (we were just, we were just doin' drugs)
I made you happy
I made you dance, I made you plans
I made you laugh, I made you cry
I was that guy, but I guess I'm just another guy

I just got left that hurt
She was my best and worst
Come and collect your shirts
It cannot get much worse
F*ck it, I'ma ball like Nurc' (woo, woo)
F*ck it, I'ma ball like Durk
Hopin' that my heart don't burst
Either way, I'll be Milly Rockin' in this bitch

Someday
I'ma meet my girl one day
We gon' eat ice creams sundaes (hmm)
We gon' take walks on Sunday (ha)
The last time, I had it all wrong
But there's first dates in my iCal
And I can't wait to re-fall in love
And call mom up about my girl
I'm like, uh
People tell me that I'll know in my gut
I don't even know what I'll have for lunch
Everybody sayin' that it'll come when I least expect it
I'm like, "Great, I give up"
Maybe I'll meet someone on these apps
I comb, I watch, I scroll, I write, I roll (ayy)
I rock the shows, I talk with hoes (ayy)
I bag a chick, I'm the man, you know

(I just got left that hurt)
(She was my best and worst)
(Come and collect your shirts)
(It cannot get much worse)
(F*ck it, I'ma ball like Nurc')
(F*ck it, I'ma ball like Durk)
(Hopin' that my heart don't burst)
Either way, I'll be Milly Rockin' in this bitch (ayy)
Time of my life
I was just, we were just, we were just
Chillin', gettin' high (we were just, we were just doin' drugs)
(I know, I know)
(I know, I know)
(I know, I know)
(I'm a hopless romantic)
(I'm a hopless romantic)
(I'm a hopless romantic)

I say this with the utmost sincerity, I am the next Kanye West
Except, I'm white
Mm, your rap name is literally a small penis joke
It's actually a super-intellectual commentary on hyper-masculinity
You don't understand, I always felt like I was the biggest star on the planet
We don't just got anybody in the spot right now
We got Lil Dicky in here, he one of the best new rappers in the game
That's what I'm sayin', I'm tryna figure out, I don't even know what this thing is yet
What Lil Dicky is? He a legend, bro
Ain't you T.T.G, trained to go, let's go
Baby, we goin' straight to the mountain top, Mount Rushmore type shit
I don't know, man, I feel like there's like a deeper level of artistry that I could tap into
You have a loathing for where you come from
But a fear that it's all you have
Yeah

Bring the sheep to the man, I do everything I can
Got a million on the 'Gram (ayy), follow me or you'll be damned
North side, east side, Jesus Christ
Way, way, way, way, way up in this bitch (woo)
Count the days, it's almost here
Talkin' cray, but you convinced, wait
Heaven sent, I am nothing like the present men
Wasn't f*ckin' with the president
This world got way too sensitive
It's so evident we let the devil in
I'm not a reverend, I'm irreverent
But still I'm colder than the revenant
I put the effort in to be a better man, let 'em in
Ayy, I be walkin' 'round the town, talkin' what I'm 'bout
Walkin' all around, drawin' all the crowds
Garnerin' the clout, callin' all 'em out
Followin' devout, volleyin' the doubt
Swallowin' it down, hollerin' it loud
They know not what they do (no, no, no, wait)
They're tryna box in a Jew? (No, no, no, wait)
PG with the crack, gotta come back
Got a lil' bread, took that
Made a lotta more bread, now the gang gettin' fed
Bring a lunch bag, all of my friends started poppin' in advance
All the seeds turn to plants, full circle like a hubcap
You can hear the chants, everybody had a chance
Everybody tryna dance when I pull up with the jams
Everybody goin' ham, young man got a plan
They don't even understand
Ayy, shout my man, shout out my plug
I was just blessed, this how it was
I am obsessed, I will not budge
I am a munch, let me spread love
I could do it with the hands tied (ayy)
F*ck that water, where the damn wine?
Makin' miracles, every time
Super lyrical, on God (on God)
Back again, you know I had to wait (woo)
They don't wanna see me levitate (woo)
Anybody who is in the way, I'm sorry, I just had to do it anyway
I could do this shit any way
Wake 'em up, it's a new day
You could kill me? I don't know
Do you feel me? I don't know
Shit I'm doin' now? I don't know
But your nose like Gonzo
I'm big bro like Lonzo
Have more fun like blonde hoes
Get free drinks like combos
Run this back, more time codes
Her ass on me, prom pose
I take that like Sean (take that) Combs
Ridin' 'round with my tens (woo)
Blowin' green, the buffet is hand on my cock like we all friends, ayy
Better make them amends
Better say them amens
The world gon' ring like, "Brr" (ayy)
My new flow cold like, "Brr" (ayy)
But I am never sniffin', drippin' like I'm water comin' out the kitchen
Skippin' on the water, I ain't even sinkin', I ain't even trippin'
I don't got no image, I don't gotta spend it
Y'all are so invented, I am so inventive
I am on a mission, I ain't with the fibbin'
I am not a chicken, I am somethin' different
Lyin' isn't in me, try and come get me
Why the crucifixion?

You know what I'm sayin'?
You wanna be a legend or you wanna live like a peasant?

I love myself, I do
Every morning, every night
I love myself, I do

I love myself, I love my will
They said I won't, I bet I will
I love my flaws, I love what's real
I won't feel full 'til I'm fulfilled
I had a hole in my soul
Nobody knew what I know
Always been a know it all
Broke down the moment my songs were posted
Wasn't always 'bout how it goes
I was tryna get the downloads
But before I had the upvotes
It was down low on my bones
And my parents said, "Don't do it"
All my friends lookin' like, "Are you nuts?"
Never time for reflections
But the man in the reflection
Held me down, wasn't cocky, just convinced
I remember bein' held down when they made fun of my dick, lil' dick
I would say I'm nothin' without all you
But I had to love me before all you
(Please, don't forget yourself)
(I've barely met myself)
(Can't go through life like I didn't)
(I wanna scream that I did it)
(I can't keep up with myself)
(I won't be anyone else)
(I had to feel what I felt)
(I will keep lovin' my)
'Self (lovin' myself
Woo, love myself
I love myself (woo, woo, woo)

LD
A.K.A (ayy, around with my shooter)
The shoe horn
I got the big shoes to fill this time

Kareem (ayy) Abdul (ayy), Kareem (ayy) Abdul-Jabbar (ooh)
These hooks got me scorin' (ayy), see me comin' from afar (woo)
Kareem (ayy) Abdul (ooh), Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
This is my lane, let me show you how to ball

Sweeter than FroYo (oh, oh), but I'm colder than hobos (brr)
And I never get F.O.M.O. (what's that?)
Got 'em watchin' me in slow mo' (rewind that)
Her brother lookin' at me like, "Hey" (hey)
"F*ck her, bro" (f*ck her, bro)
Literally, I am the Trojan man (huh, facts)
And I'ma star it up, look at how I start up
I'm about to get big, rappin' just like Diddy did (ayy)
I be out here, somethin' like a citizen (ayy)
All over the bread like cinnamon (ayy)
I was just playin' ball on ESPN (oh)
Woah, jumpside, jumpside
Good pussy waitin' at the crib like a house cat ('Bar)
They waitin' on my buzz like the out bat ('Bar)
I pull up like Steph, don't doubt that
If you don't take no L's, can you bounce back?
Big vouch, y'all gettin' rinsed like Bounce (uh, detergent)
I make women blush (why?) Just 'cause I'm around (overwhelming force, yeah)
Elevator, kissin' at the Ritz
My rap name a joke about a dick (woah)
They said I was finished, yeah, I

Kareem (ooh) Abdul (ayy), Kareem Abdul-Jabbar ('Bar)
These hooks got me scorin', see me comin' from afar (ayy)
Kareem (woo) Abdul (Abdul), Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
This is my lane, let me show you how to ball (aw yeah)

I remember when I couldn't jerk off the threesomes 'cause it felt too unrealistic
No longer the case, I'm in the Oculus doin' it, not in real life, but
Guys like me get to Heaven, I think, right? I'll wait and see
In and out with the bag like I'm makin' that tea
These girls kiss and tell when they kissin' on me (oh my God)
What is his dick like? What is his breath like?
What are his soaps like? What is his stroke like?
What is his acne on the back? Is it real?
Is it really that cystic? (Ooh, yes)
Had another ask me for tickets, like I deal with logistics
Like I'm not artistic, I might be autistic (ayy)
Television show, ah (ah)
Body cameras like the cops (woop)
I just sold new script (ayy), flipped up a new whip (flip, flip, flip)
But I can't buy a new dick (no)
So I'm on the same old shit, like

Kareem Abdul (ooh), Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (ooh, ooh)
These hooks got me scorin' (ooh, ooh), see me comin' from afar (ayy, keep goin' guys)
Kareem (ayy) Abdul (ooh), Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
This is my lane, let me show you how to ball (aw yeah)

Shit go down, shit go up
Another round up in my cup
Slow it down, I'm in no rush
I'm a child but I'm gettin' older (ooh, ooh, ooh)
I'm gettin' older

And it's 'round and around we go
Through the up and downs, we scroll
Growin' up I was a peon
Fantasizin' what I'd be on
Never thinkin' it would be gone
How do we know if we're doin' it so wrong?
I haven't seen my home friends in so long (that's just life)
Greys get plucked, my back is f*cked (f*ck)
And I gotta learn Tiktok (Tiktok, Tiktok, tic-tic-tic)
Used to play ball twice a week, now I can't really play that much
Used to drink bottles to pregame, now I can't drink that much
Eat a little bit and I gain weight
Love stayin' in on Fridays
In a traffic jam on the highway, I want a bae

Shit go down, shit go up
Another round up in my cup
Slow it down, I'm in no rush
I'm a child but I'm gettin' older (ooh, ooh, ooh)
I'm gettin' older (I'm goin' gray lately, yeah)
I'm goin' gray, I'm goin' gray
(Fadin' away, fadin' away)

Time goes fast, gotta make it last, chasin' on a high
Everyone's lives, happenin' live
Look at my parents, they can't die
Who will tell me how to live my life?
Gotta hit my goals
Don't know what I want, but I know I want more
Gotta let 'em know that I've been on this globe, before it explodes
What is it for?
Out here, gettin' lucky
Thinkin' 'bout havin' kids, lot of upkeep
Nowadays I don't date for fun
I'm f*cked 'less I find the one
I can't leap so I just run
And all my friends are findin' love (is it real?)
Still holdin' my grudge
Ex girl didn't budge
Time's tickin' on the fallout

Shit go down, shit go up
Another round up in my cup
Slow it down, I'm in no rush
I'm a child but I'm gettin' older
I'm gettin' older (I'm goin' gray lately, yeah)
I'm goin' gray (I'm goin' gray), I'm goin' gray (I'm goin' gray)
(Fadin' away, fadin' away)

Don't slow down on my behalf
I'll still rain, you are my pain

How did I get all of this?
Yet still end up like this
All alone, what'd I miss?
So many dates even datin' got dated
I let her go too soon
I was scared of you, and now I'm just sad at you
All of these stones that I turned, I forgot who my rock was
Batman and Robin, it's comical how I'll keep runnin' from problems
I don't act my age at all, I don't change at all
But I'm great, ask 'em all
I need somebody right now, but I don't think she'll hear me out
And my time is runnin' out

I met a girl, thank God
I met a girl, oh my
She makes me feel alive
She makes me need a life
I met a girl, thank God

I thought this dude was a rapper, man
Ol' Peter Parker's scared to rap
Ayy D, f*ck it man
Ayy, let's make a beat from scratch
F*ck this nigga

Wait
Allow me to tell y'all what I'm 'bout
Like a dinner you got reservations but I'm 'bout to eat up all the doubt
Hey come on, I'm a flower let me sprout
Looking like I'm straight out of Comic-Con, scrawny don
Hungry Ramadan, my mama wrong
She don't think I got a job, but I'ma make great cheese like Parmesan
I'm hardly on, but the rent paid 'cause you know that pussy flow good I menstruate
If we got off on the wrong foot like Bengay it's because I'm higher than a bitch, men's pay
Rappers thinking that they hot, blow your nose motherf*ckers, it's not
I ain't never fought a man in my life
I have only slept with four different girls
Still you can get it though, get every crevice though
Come on some chicken like fresh mozzarella
Hella good ebonics, I think like a comic
My females got bombs on they body like they were Jihadists
And my libido is scary like Magic Johnson near mosquitos
I'm tactical, I'm back and forth, from acting dull to rapping for you
Attracting lore in the faction form, and the track's record
It's about to put me on the racks like a fashion store
I just want a girl let me hit it on a work day
I don't think my dick has grown at all since the first grade
I'm a get the cake with my gifts like a birthday
Separate it with my lines like two lanes
I don't want a Grammy bro, I've got two and their fairly old
Stay with more bars than a graph I'm on top of the class
Hop in the bath with a bad little lady with ass
I'm making her laugh, the neck like a baby giraffe
Shaking it fast, making it last, haters are mad saying I'm bad
It's like an eighth grader training a class, it's crazy and blasphemous
I'm about to break 'em in half, I'm making my path
I'm waiting on my break like a cast
Somebody get ya boy a gig he got drive and flash, like a flashdrive

I don't eat fruit or vegetables
I eat the pussy and other stuff

I don't eat fruit or vegetables
No fruits or vegetable, or vegetable
No fruits or vegetable

Who the f*ck are you to tell me what I can or can't do?
I would eat your mama's gushy but I won't eat no fruit
No fruits or vegetable
No fruits or vegetable
I am a professional of soaking grown up genitals
Women look at me and know for sure they heterosexual
They book me at the festivals, the crowds been going testicles
I'm still a kid, look at my dick
But I make these hits that'll shape your kids
If I shake my hips, they'll display their tits
It is weird yet lit, what a chain of events
I been f*cking, I ate her ass
She came, I gasped, I win again
Won't make my bed, my mom got pissed
She said, "Don't rap"
Guess what? I did
Oh yeah, all my haters hands up on they heads
I'm abusing substances with guys in the NFL
I just stole a Perrier from Kodak Black from his dressing room
While he was on stage, I was thirsty, back up off me
This is just hip hop, but my shit pop
I wear flip-flops to my biz ops
Ain't no wrist watch, pretty women all up on my arm
I don't think I need to get more charm
I just tried molly and I barfed (not for me)

I don't eat fruit or vegetables
I eat the pussy and other stuff

I don't eat fruit or vegetables
No fruits or vegetable, or vegetable
No fruits or vegetable

Who the f*ck are you to tell me what I can or can't do?
I would eat your mama's gushy but I won't eat no fruit or vegetables
No fruits or vegetable, or vegetable
No fruits or vegetable
Who the f*ck are you to tell me what I can or can't do?
I would eat your mama's gush-

I'm drunk
I'm drunk
I'm really, really drunk
I'm drunk
I'm really, really wasted
Bartender, can I get another, please?
One more, watch how I do my dance
F*ck it, I'm drunk

Man, I'm so f*cked up
I might suck a man's dick
No, I'm playin', ha
Oh, shot, shot
Scream up in my friends ears
Tell 'em I love them, don't blackout
I think I should talk to all these girls
Can I flirt, though? Can I flirt? "No"
Get him out the bar, get him a car
Tell him to dip, hey (hey)
Gotta be smart, look at the charge, we gotta split this
Please help me, I'm drunk, so f*cked up, might vom'
I've been chuggin', chuggin', chuggin' all my sorrows
Worry about tomorrow, tomorrow
(But don't drink and drive) give me that pizza, dawg
Give me that pizza, you know I gotta eat ya
Uber says my driver's name is Ghughi
And it says he's hard of hearing (ooh, I don't care)
I miss my ex, yeah

I'm drunk (I'm drunk)
I'm drunk
I'm really, really drunk
I'm drunk I'm drunk
I'm really, really wasted
Bartender, can I another, please?
One more, watch how I do my dance
F*ck it, I'm drunk

Woah-woah, I'm so f*cked up
Woah-woah, I'm so f*cked up
Woah-woah, I'm so f*cked up
Woah-woah, I'm so f*cked up

Hey, good mornin', baby
You need some java, baby?
We got to wake up, baby
Last night was really crazy
I think I liked it, baby
Damn, you smooth, baby
Lookin' like you moisturize, baby
Tell me where to buy it, baby
I'm dry, I need the product, baby
Got my hand on navel
Then she slid her panties to the ankle
Made me back up and look at the bussy
Bussy glistenin' like a heavyweight
You wanna f*ck me, baby?
Haven't showered in a minute, girl
But if you with it, then I'm with it, baby
I will shower you with every curl
Are you freaky, baby?
Spoonin' me like I was soup
Want me to be dirty like a goose?
Ooh, but what do you like, baby?
Do you want me to choke you, baby?
She said, "That's okay, baby"
"That's okay" as in you want that?
Or "That's okay" as in "No thanks, baby"?
She look at me crazy
I said, I don't mean to complicate it (no, no)
Let me grab a condom, baby
I put it on, then she, then she
Throws it back, give me the ass, pop it
Tickle the breast, nibble the crack, stop it
General Custer with the tactics, I'm a demon
I could feel the semen creeping 'round the penis
Bein' a man in there, we need a ambulance
Pussy gettin' killed
She orgasmin', her body spasmin'

Then I finally finish, can you feel it, baby?
Slidin' off, where's the condom, whoa
Well, it's not on my penis, baby
It's so confusin', baby
Uh, did I, did I just f*ck you raw, baby?
Uh, I'm looking 'round and I don't see it, baby
I move the blanket, move the covers
Where's the rubber, baby?
Now she diggin' like a caveman in her bussy for it
Even if you find it in there, what's the difference, baby?
Semen probably already leakin' in there, swimmin' in you
She said she still don't want no condoms sittin' in her insides
I said, I understand, but there are bigger fish to fry
She said, "You blamin' me, but you the one that put it on"
I am not blamin' you and I don't think I put it on wrong
I put it on my pinky first to see which way it go
Because I'm well aware that condoms aren't reversible
She screamed, "I found it, baby!"
She pulled it out her bussy
But I can't celebrate it, 'cause we got bigger fishy
Girl, I ejaculated, and I don't see it in there
She said, it's fine, she'll just take the morning-after pill
Oh, oh
Thank God for the tech now
We should probably go and get it now
This is life when you're young and wild

I know it can be scary sometimes, that's life
But I know you'll get married in time
I know everything will be okay

Hold up, hold the f*ck up
Ain't you the YouTube rapper with the small dick and all that?
L.D.
A.k.a Grip
Nah, no, not Grip
Well, I do have the game in a, in a grip

My dick sucks, my dick sucks
My dick sucks, f*ck
My dick sucks, my dick sucks
My dick sucks, f*ck

Ayy, girl, ayy, girl
Ayy, girl, what you tryna say, girl? (Ayy)
When you see my dick, you may hurl (ugh)
But I'm still kinda hot like May, girl (hot)
Whoa, girl, whoa, girl
I'm just tryna let you know, girl (woo)
My dick sucks for show, girl (sucks)
But I make up for that like
Even if my dick is shoddy (sucks)
It sit there like it's gawdy
And it do good work like Gandhi
And I might grow more like Bronny
Probably not, got bitches in the lobby (still)
Their body language obvi' (sex)
If five inches throw over, under
I'm underdog like Rocky
They don't care 'bout my cock (no)
I could use a pussy mop dDrench, whoa)
On the radio like cops (roger)
She saw me and went in shock (oh my God)
Technically I'm unemployed (oh)
But I'm pretty sure I'm going to work (work)
Stacking paper like a clerk (work)
I got the Times writing blurbs (work)
Y'all washed like shirts
Kid been balling like Nerf
They f*ck with my quirk (damn, wait)
You see that girl over there? (Yup)
She hope that I flirt (it'll mak her day)
A-list actors first dates
How I got it popping on Earth Day
Ever since my surgery since first grade
I'm yelling, yelling

My dick sucks, my dick sucks
My dick sucks, f*ck (f*ck)
My dick sucks, my dick sucks
My dick sucks, f*ck

John's gone
John's gone
John's gone
We put John in the ground today
As I rap this song, he looks down on me
I'm just not, like, naturally, like, a rapper
Like I need to go to another place, to like do that
(You gotta tap out of the David Burd)
Yeah, I don't know, it's like why do I need to escape reality?
But my reality is, like, good
I don't know, I just think even when my reality is good
I think too much about what's not perfect about that reality

I joke a lot, I know
The voice inside of me is twelve years old
Yeah, I need guidance
I just turned thirty and I'm still freestylin'

So this how YOLO beats doubt
And hope breeds vows
I won't be proud 'til I'm crowned
You holdin' me down, or you holdin' me down?
Will I break out or will I break down?
I'm calling my shot, aww
This is my plot, aww
Just let me be not wrong
Everything is right in front of me
So I don't see what's right in front of me
I'm only seein' what it's gonna be (two, three, four)
I never had a ménage (no), I'd rather get a fiancé (ayy)
Mom up my ass like a prostate
She thinkin' forward like blockchain
But I'm sittin', thinking 'bout the fourth grade (woo)
I was hittin' on the Macarena, visualizin' all the packed arenas
I ain't had shit on my hands except Cheetos, that was the top
Back when Dwayne was the Rock
Back when jerkin' off used to be the motivation
I would come racin', tryna beat my mama to my crib, get naked
Then I'll go on Maxim.com for the pictures,
Put the shower on while I'm still gettin' print outs
In the shower while usin' steam, and I put the shower head up on the massage settin'
What the f*ck was that? How was I usin' stills?
Now when I use my thoughts the women turn to sand
The women blow away
That's why I take Adderall every day
Fifty milligram time release, I pray to God it doesn't kill me
My generation a test (yes)
I can feel my heart race in my chest (yes)
Takin' what it takes to be best (I do)
I met a nice girl out West (I did)
But I wish she was more East Coast (that's true)
Guess that's how the story goes
Doesn't matter how I far I go
F*ck it, I don't even know
Lot of surfaces don't need the scratch
A lot of matches haven't met a match
There's a lot of women in my phone who last name is Bumble, Tinder or some other app
On a date, I can't wait 'til I talk about work
If they sleep over, I'll get 'em a shirt
I don't do synagogue, I don't do church
I don't know exactly what I believe
I don't know exactly what we all need
Homie this shit is a doozey
We all used to writin' in loose leaf
I just want someone to use me
If you can't be used, you're useless (uh)
I'm just so lucky they be doin' me (true)
Been privileged since birth
Now I gotta pay that forward
How we gonna change that world?
I know I'm different, I'm comin' out and I hope you'll listen
Time's runnin' out and I know I'll miss it
I could fail but I can't do what ifs
I'll give you my heart and you'll still want a pic
You in or you out, yo, what you gonna pick?
I wanna be what I wanna be
(What's wrong with me?)

Why do they bring out the lobster before you eat it
And have you look at it in its eyes
Anyone?

I joke a lot, I know
The voice inside of me is twelve years old
Yeah, I need guidance
I just turned thirty and I'm still freestylin'

On stage rapping (ew)
Ain't shit to me, I'm a rapper that's what I do (hey)
Young Dave snappin' (woo)
The crowd seem to f*ck with me and I like them, too
Ordinarily I might joke around on the stage (yeah)
Funny motherf*cker, class clown, 12th grade
Sometimes I might overstep my boundaries (hm)
Do some weird shit, believe in the art of the joke (yeah)
In this case, I was like
"Ayy, y'all a great crowd
So as a reward, do you wanna see my dick?"
Crowd went wild, now I'm kinda torn
Mid-show soft dick, is my worst soft dick
I'm a moron (yeah)
Show your dick, show your dick
Whole crowd chants (shit)
I'm like, "I can't, but what about nuts?" (Yeah)
People erupt, whipped out the nuts, cheers

Off stage, head up to the dressing room
Five cops waiting in my dressing room
Goddamn, D, you blowing up
Look at how they beefing up the security (ayy)
I was like, officers, I'll be okay (yeah)
One cop said, Sir, you're under arrest (ha)
I laughed in jest, assumed he was just showing off for his cop friends
Opened some Chex Mix
"Sir, I'm gonna need you to put on these cuffs"
I'm like, "What?"
"Sir, you just exposed yourself
At an all-ages show nonetheless"
"Wait, you talking 'bout showing nuts?
"Sir"
"That's like a common joke"
"You never pull out a ball with your friends or"
"Sir"
"Never?"
"Sir, please put on these cuffs"
"Wait, stop, no, this is actually happening?"
"Sir"
"Wait, this is unfair"
"Sir"
"I'm sorry, I swear"
"Sir"
"Please hear my out"
"Sir, you're going to jail"
I'm like, "Jail?"
He like, yeah
I'm like, "Jail?"
Yeah

Booked, bail
Pay it, scared (this is crazy)
Months pass, trial (real trial)
45 parents press charges (oh)
I got a DUI in college (stupid)
This was not my first offense (oh, my God)
Children were crying on the stand (stand)
Probably the dorks of their class (you're a loser)
Now it's the day of my reckoning
They 'bout to give me my sentencing
Can't even breathe and I'm trembling
The jury arrived at a verdict (guilty)
I thought I misheard it (guilty)
Mama Burd going berserk (my son)
Wait, you said two years, Your Honor? (Yes)

On the bus to Chuckawalla
They got me chained to Roberto
Tat on his face he was fidgety
Shook as can be as we pullin' in (hm)
They take my picture, unchain me
They give me my state I.D. (thanks)
Then they took me to a room
And told me to "spread your cheeks" (eww)
I was like, "Like this?" (Like this?)
They like, "Yeah, but rake your nuts"
Rake rake my nuts?
Like pull 'em up?
Yes
Oh, okay
They made me squat and cough (ah ah)
Standard procedure, I'm wit' it (it's cool)
After I finished, I had a minute with the guard
Say to him, "Sir, I know this is bizarre
But the whole rape thing, is it, like, real?
Is it actually a thing in Jail? Or?"
He like, "Yeah"
I'm like, "Yeah? (It really happens?)
He like, "Yeah" (isn't it your job to protect people?)

Getting walked to my cell (we got a white boy)
Walking through jail (woo-woo-woo, woo, yeah)
Shit is like hell (you dead, you dead)
It's just like the movies (gettin' f*cked)
Screaming and hollering, hooting (fresh meat)
A black guy said, "I'll break your back" (blow your back out)
Hispanic guy ask, "What that mouth like?" (I'ma need that)
A neo-Nazi just smiles (hmm)
We get to my cell
Got a cellmate named Raheem (hi, I'm Dave)
Good dude, wonder why he in (I'm Raheem)
Then he asked me what I even did (what'd you do?)
I explained the whole thing (yeah)
Was performing (yeah)
Showed my nuts (huh?)
Totally innocent, like
Well, I did it, but it was an innocent act
It's not a big deal
Now I'm here in Chuckawalla for two years for exposing myself to minors
"Whoa, whoa, you a pedophile?" Raheem said
No, I'm not a pedophile, you just heard the story
Okay, okay, okay, you cannot let anyone know this
Why? It's not a big deal
If they find out, then it's over
Over?
You raped, dead, maybe
Raped dead?
Let's just think of solutions instead
Raped dead?
In here there's the Blacks and the Mexicans
Well, what about those white supremacists? (Heh)
They see that you're Jewish it's evident (it's evident? What does that-)
The Blacks and the Mexicans don't have inherent hatred for you (true)
You gotta pick one of them for protection (who?)
The Blacks or the Mexicans? (Yes)
Uh, I mean, I guess
I'll go Blacks, right? Blacks
Okay
I just don't know much about Mexicans (I hear you)
Like, at home I would hang out with Blacks (go with blacks then)
Well, how do they know I'm with Blacks?
Like how do I refer to it?
Do I say "Blacks"? (You won't have to say)
I feel like it'd be weird
If I said, "I'm with the blacks" (it's not like that)
How is it referred to?
Don't worry, I'll make sure that everyone knows you're with us

Three o'clock rec ball
Pretty solid courts, real good runs
Watched on the sidelines, didn't try to run
Calling for next would be calling for death
Real good black dude roll his ankle (eugh)
Mexican guy on the side says, "ay, carumbo"
Now there's a squad, thats only got four players
And in jail the other team picks his replacement
They look around and my heart started racing
One guy is beelining straight up at David
'Cause they probably think I'm a horrible player
They like, "All right, take this white, skinny bitch"
Little did they know I'm a bad motherf*cker on the court
First play hit 'em with a cross, up-fake (swoosh)
Next play, wide open three, like wet (swoosh)
The yard taking notice (yo)
I take a charge, but they don't even notice (bro)
Don't leave him open, his jumper is potent (ha)
Pat on the back
Feel like a black
Dap, dap, dap

All the sudden, a Mexican guy
Walks on the court and says
Stop the game, stop the game, stop the game
Gets in my face
Says, "You know what he did?"
Everyone's frozen in place
You know what he did? (What'd he do? What'd he do?)
He raped some kids
Whoa, whoa, whoa, not true I said
He said, "One was my niece"
Hold on, I can explain, I'm a rapper, I was on stage (you ain't no motherf*ckin' rapper)
Yes, I am (we gon' rape you)
No, I am a rapper
I'll spit, you want me to spit?
I'll f*cking spit I'll
You 'bout to get f*cked, pendejo
Listen, my dick sucks, my dick sucks
Uh, that's just a hook
Remember the name, Don Quixote
That's the guy that'll f*ck you later
Okay, chismoso? (Hahaha)
Then he walked away
I tried to play it cool, I'm like, "Back to the game"
Punched in my back (ah)
Thrown off the court
I'm like, "I'm with the Blacks" (That made it worse)
Smack, smack, msack
I'm like, "I didn't rape no kids, I just showed my sack
You never did that, like, with your friends?" (Ain't f*ck nah, pussy)
It was just a joke
I believe in the art of the joke (that don't sound very funny)
Yeah, but you should've seen it, it worked
They laughed, the joke was successful
They whipped my ass (bop, bop)
Now I'm not with the Blacks (you ain't black)

Lick my wounds in my cell
Tell Raheem all the facts (this guy walked on the court)
He like, Oh, no, Don Quixote?" (Yeah)
That's the most dangerous Mexican (really?)
And now all the Blacks not protecting you
Yeah, no shit, and by the way
They didn't take kindly to me saying I was with the Blacks
Well, now
Now everyone's got the green light (green light?)
I wish I could make it be right (Raheem)
You're definitely gonna get raped (raped dead?)
If I were you, I'd learn to fight
I can't fight, I'd lose every fight
Instead of fighting back
What if I offer, like, willing head?
Willing head?
I'm like, "Yeah"
Willing head?
Yeah
Think about it
Nobody wants to fight (that's not true)
I would much rather give consensual head
Than get f*cked up my ass and die
Well, it's not gon' be an option like that
No, no, hear me out
What if one day up in the caf I stuck a paper on the wall? (A paper?)
Yeah, a sign-up sheet (a sign-up sheet?)
Yeah, with time slots (what time slots?)
Yeah, for head
You know, if you, if you don't rape me
I'll give you the best head you'll ever get in jail
And I'll be such a joy, so pleasant
What a great companion I could be (I don't think)
This is so smart (uh)
Yeah, uh
Then word would get around about the head
And everybody would start to realize
The second I'm raped, that the head off the table
Better than anal
The brothers would kill for this shit, Cain and Abel
You're not gonna have the option like that, cuh
It's it's cool when you say "cuh"
Like cuz, but you "cuh"
Where you from, Raheem?
Man, I gotta nap
Oh, when you wake, then

Caf, tuna fish (ugh)
Actually surprised because this shit fire (hmm)
Usually I'm real picky with my tuna type
Only like my mom's and Subway's
Did you guys know
That Subway's the biggest chain in the world, over McDonalds?
No one responded
Tap Raheem's shoulder, I said
"Did you know that, Raheem?" (Uh)
He like, "What?"
That Subway's the biggest chain?
Bigger than McDonald's (no)

Walking back to me cell (ayy)
Just me and the guard, I feel greasy (yeah)
All the sudden he bail (what the f*ck?)
Then as I turned the corner, I saw Don Quixote (f*ck)
F*ck, this is it, oh, my God
Dave, you're so raped (f*ck)
Thought of my options, he started approaching (ohh)
I'm like, "Quixote, relax, I'm open to it"
Come here
Kissed on his neck
Licked on his ears
Took off his shirt
Kissed on his stomach, his chest is so bulbous
But I'm playing my part (yeah)
He fallin' hard (yeah)
I got his heart (yeah)
I get down to my knees, ayy
Tease, ayy
Whipped out the dick (oh, my God, so big, ah)
Veins, everywhere, so many veins
Off-colored dick
Darker than I expected
I realized in that moment
I've never seen a Mexicano's dick before
Spit on the dick
His guard fallen
Cocked his head back real slow
And then said, "Ayy, carumbo"
Plan coming to fruition
I open wide, put the tip in
And I close my eyes, and pray to God and then I
Bit off his dick (ayy, carumbo)
Spit out his dick (ugh)
He fell to his knees
Blood everywhere
Don Quixote is dead

Coming live from the stash house
Taking all of the trash out
High ceiling like Shaq's house
Every time that I rap now
They all want me to pay dues
Trap here like escape rooms
Heating up like it's late June
Stop believing the fake news (huh, huh)
Ain't no doubt about it, my dick getting crowded
Why they do me foul now?
F*ck it, bucket, count it (and one, uh)
They're calling me soft, they're not really wrong
I'm rocking velour (huh, uh)
You not on a boat, well, that doesn't matter, we going for sure
No jewelry on me, they took it off me like I'm Ben Baller (hey)
They got me up in court, I'm with the set like Travis Barker (oh)
Ain't no capping with this paper like a Magic Marker (yeah)
They can't jack it, I'm a fire starter
Wait, wait, wait

Prada bag, Gucci, Louis ain't what we got in store
I don't care about no money, you can run all them jewels
Only plans that I have, get the coochie galore
Actually, I'm lookin' for love, but to no avail

In and out the back quick
They cannot see me like I'm backlit
Everybody told me I was batshit
Now they looking past like a has-been
Stay up in the back like an ad-lib
They ain't really cracking like a ChapStick lip
They don't wanna see the lil' dick kid growing any bigger than he is
But I swing big, don't I?
I'm smoking marijuana
I want to sit down and just chop it up, Benihana
I'm cold-blooded with this shit, I'm coming like iguana
They should never really judge us for this shit, Your Honor
That would be

H-E-A-rsay
Why, that's hearsay
Mobbing with the gang
If you hating then it's fear-based
You don't know a thing 'bout us, baby, that is clear as day
I'm just with my friends smoking marijuana (yeah)
(H-E-A-rsay)
(Why, that's hearsay)
(Mobbing with the gang)
(If you hating then it's fear-based)
(You don't know a thing 'bout us, baby)

Sometimes I feel like people only see me as this larger than life icon
But I'm just a normal guy

Hi (hello), I'm Dave (puh)
You might know me as Lil Dicky (yeah, yeah, yeah)
But there's a lot more to me (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Don't you wanna know who I am? (Not really)
Do you wanna meet the guy behind the guy? (Woo)
Do you wanna know what the industry's like? (Uh)
What a strange life I have
Got me trippin' like, woah, woah
"Dave, you're a rapper?" Oh no (no)
Bowel movements looking like Dippin' Dots (for real)
Probably 'cause I don't eat fruits and vegetables
Approached by aggressive white men on the regular (uh, uh)
I gotta record with a neck pillow on my neck 'cause the ergonomics of my desk ain't right (uh)
My nose gets stuffed every night (woo)
I'm figgity (figgity, figgity)
I'm figgity, I twitch (huh)
I'm figgity (hmm), I'm V-neurotic (woah, woah)
Yes, I know that I'm a rapper at the end of the day
But I think it's time you knew me by my government name

Hi, I'm Dave (I'm Lil Dicky)
Hi, I'm Dave (who's Dave?)
Hi, I'm Dave (please watch)
Please, I'm Lil Dicky, no shut up, I am Dave
(Please watch)

They tried to tell me I was goin' cray
I been broke but had no breaks
They hear my dreams, they like, "No way"
I don't change even when I'm in my own way
You good, bro?
I don't treat my friends right
F*ck it if I'm wrong, if my pen write
You good, bro
Always lookin' for an angle 'til I'm square though
I'm not always right over here, bro
You good, bro
We do the worst to become first
You know the deal, baby, love hurts
Just keep it real with me, no turf
All good homie, what the f*ck are friends for?
Ayy, ayy, ayy, ayy
(Hands up, I need everybody in this bitch
To put they motherf*ckin' hands up, right now)
Ayy, ayy, ayy, ayy

We good, so good that it hurts so bad (woo)
I'm sorry if it's makin' you mad (ayy, ayy, ayy)
You mad, huh? Not playin', huh?
Ain't no doubt about it, we good

Now it's off the rip (hey)
Lookin' like a motherf*cker, can't tell me shit
Hey, lookin' like I'm 'bout to live my dream, f*ck a hit (hey)
I'ma pack that motherf*ckin' venue with my motherf*ckin' friends
'Cause (we good) and we're also DAVE
Whatchu' do today? (Hmm-hmm) I ate in several ways
Oh, you was eatin' good?
The pussy was gush
And the bitches all bad?
Wait a minute, GaTa, this song is about our friendship
My bad

We good, so good that it hurts so bad
I'm sorry if it's makin' you mad
You mad, huh? Not playin', huh?
Ain't no doubt about it, we good

Man, this shit crazy, LD
I was really 'bout to get that shit tatted on my face, man
That would've been a huge mistake, amigo
But I'm still rockin' with ya
We're alive at an undisclosed location because we are high profile
Talk your greasy shit, GaTa
Haha, you know we still gettin' every dollar, grindin' everyday, my nigga
Haha, and what do we say to the haters and non-believers?
Thank you (we good)