Went down in the 80's to flirt with some ladies booked my hotel for the week
Rode in a van with a spray tan I was looking pretty sleek
First stop Elbo Room chicas in full bloom somebody handed me a bong
I'm in Fort Lauderdale bring me a cocktail what could possibly go wrong
Down on spring break a total mistake
Never make it out alive
I ordered a double and was headed for trouble
From the moment that I arrived
The next thing I know woke up on skid row hippies and junkies all around
Was just before dawn my wallet was gone with blaring police car sounds
Everyone scattered my clothes in tatters "Hey punk you got some ID?"
Put me in cuffs with some other street tuffs like a dreg of society
Down on spring break a total mistake
Got on the wrong side of the law
Stuck in this jail piss in a tin pail
And a guy with no hands just a claw
It's thirty years later in the land of the gator now I'm a just a bit more tame
Had to clean up my act after my third heart attack things they just aren't the same
Cut down on my drinking after I started tinkling somewhat uncontrollably
Now I wear a big diaper see a candy striper sho changes me like a baby
Down on spring break a total mistake
You wouldn't believe it if you saw
Used to dive off the railing now my kidneys are failing
Eat my dinner through a straw