T Halcyon - Tourniquet of Ties Lyrics

Don't you know
It's not supposed to hurt this much
When you can't see who is supposed to be family
A fear unspoken
Blood bonds broken love lost to insanity
Inner parts stand in the shadows throwing shame like stones
Carve their judgments in my flesh mark it on my bones
But I'm grown
I know right from wrong
Though it took me time to catch up to the fall
Family ties twist tighter than a tourniquet killing me slow oh oh
Pain lingers betrayal of you choosing others when will it go
When will it be
That family sets you free
Not chain me in misery
But my spirit's unshackled I redefine my history
Sister made me choose between her family and mine
Mother made me choose between her and another woman in fathers life
Now I have a relationship with both of them but at what cost
When I reject my grief and project it outwards maybe this is the result
Or maybe not psychoanalyzing myself after all the ways you have pathologized me
Maybe I'm in over my head or head over heels
Maybe it's got less to do with me losing gravity
Maybe it's got more to do with the stars aligning and then combusting
Despite all my dusting I was born a slave but now unchained
No love and no hate can seal my fate
Grateful for the moments that happened and eager for more
Taking note of all the things my heart desires from those who believe in the universe and letting you know
Because you're the one I want to want
They say start fresh but the dirt's too deep
Even dreams get muddy when you dig through sleep
So I sweep through the mess keep my head on straight though it never even was
All I know is it's not supposed to hurt this much
So I'll take this pain turn it into gold dust
Family's who you choose
You are theirs
I am yours
Loyalty's a must