Taijitu - Message to Myself Lyrics

Wasted money on the doctor, just to get a diagnosis
You could have everything and still feel hopeless
Will I make it to 21, or will my mind be broken
Make me take something that's more than potent?
Hopefully the new me will hear this message to myself
This is deeper than a phase, this has to do with mental health
Cooped up in a prison that I burrowed myself into
Used up all my options and that's one of the issues
"You got family and friends why do act this way?"
It ain't something you shrug off, it's not give or take"
To my head, I put the sawed-off, blow my brains away
Back when I was in the psych ward, felt the most safe
Hate what I do it life, I'm not built for this
I could have been a better child, for my granny's kids
I project the pain so I don't have to deal with it
But when there's no one to blame, reality settles in
I live for other people and that is the problem
Make others laugh but I have problems unsolved and
Every day I wake up, insufferable pain
My parents try hard but it may be too late
Hopefully the new me will hear this message to myself
This is deeper than a phase, this has to do with mental health
Cooped up in a prison that I burrowed myself into
Used all my options and that's one of the issues
I have the feeling I may not wake up one day
With the same meds on the floor that I take
My feelings are never reflected in what I say
"I'm fine" is a statement that means stay away
Try not to get too close to people
Scared of sadness that I may get them into
I think of my brother looking at me on the bed
In the ER wondering if I was gonna be dead
Hopefully the new me will hear this message to myself
This is deeper than a phase, this has to do with mental health
Cooped up in a prison that I burrowed myself into
Used up all my options and that's one of the issues
"You got family and friends why do act this way?"
It ain't something you shrug off, it's not give or take"
To my head, I put the sawed-off, blow my brains away
Back when I was in the psych ward, felt the most safe
I'm sorry
I can't
Can't meet your
Demands
Feel heavy
So sad
Not worth it
(So I say)
Hopefully the new me will hear this message to myself
This is deeper than a phase, this has to do with mental health
Cooped up in a prison that I burrowed myself into
Used up all my options and that's one of the issues
"You got family and friends why do act this way?"
It ain't something you shrug off, it's not give or take"
To my head, I put the sawed-off, blow my brains away
Back when I was in the psych ward, felt the most safe