Na Na Na Na....Na Na Na Na (repeat)
Man and Woman:
Don't you just love a pretty love story?
Brimming with passion, valor and glory
Well that's too bad, that aint our tale today
What we've got here is more realistic
A husband, a wife, and things get sadistic
And we are here, to do the play by play
There is a man, and we'll call him Tom ... Tom
Because that's his name as was given by mom
Life was so swell, til things went to... well
Meet our home owning, lawn mowing, man....
Tom:
Jump out of bed and start my preparing
The clock strikes six, I'm ready and raring
Suit myself up, it's time to seize the day (Good morning...,morning)
Lucy:
Normally here it sounds like a riot
The kids are at camp, I'm loving the quiet
I think today is going to go my way
Gotta go honey
But Tom, today is .. (what, what? Today is what?
Never mind go.. go! I love you)
Oh he's a man, who works night and day
He's got a porche and a 401K
Isn't he great, successful and straight?
He's a porche driving, wife loving, home owning, lawn mowing man
Greetings good workers of ... your
No time to talk, the copy's not gelling
The story board sucks, the staff is rebelling
They're pissed off
People, relax, I'm going to save the day
Before we start, I need to speak with Jessica .... It's important
Today is your 15th wedding anniversary
Oh what a man, A wonderful man
Swinging through life with the ease of Tarzan
Take it from me, there's one way to be
Be a bread-winning, ass kicking, porche driving, wife loving.
Home owining, lawn mowing man
Tom, what are you doing home?
Happy Anniversary... Na na na
A hickey Tom .. how could this be true
How dare she be as unfaithful as you?
For I'm a man, a wonderful man
Life was so great til this shit hit the fan
How could she stray? Well let's start the play
Marriage could turn into what you never planned
Pick yourself up, dammit Tom, take a stand
Oh you bread-winning, ass kicking, wife loving, skirt chasing,
(we need a therapist) home owning, lawn mowing man
Don't you just love a pretty long story. I'm a man.....!
The Thing About Men - The Thing About Men Musical Album Lyrics
The Thing About Men - The Thing About Men Musical Lyrics
- Oh What A Man!
- No Competition For Me
- Opportunity Knocking
- Free Easy Guy
- Free, Easy Guy (Reprise)
- Take Me Into You
- Because
- The Confession
- The Greatest Friend
- Downtown Bohemian Slum
- You Will Never Get Into This Restaurant
- Me, Too/One-Woman Man
- Take Me Into You (Reprise)
- Highway Of Your Heart
- The Better Man Won
- Too Road To Lucy
- Make Me A Promise, Thomas
- New, Beautiful Man
- Time To Go Home
- Finale/You Can Have It All
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
No Competition For Me
Tom: My wife, she's cheating on me
Man: That's cause you no give the love
Tom: Hey, I give her the love.
I give her the love as much as any man who's been married for 15 years can give the love
Man; Ok, ok mister.. but you know and I know .. not the right kind of love
Tom: Hey, you seem like a wise man.. so what should I do?
Man: Hunt him down, and kill him.
He's an animal, this man who messed with your wife
Tom: He's an animal, this dog with no right to a life
Man: What to do with an animal, who's ripped off your yard?
Tom: It's time to get brutal.. it's time for some whomp-ass
After all you're Tom Ambrose, this shouldn't be hard
I bet he's some college professor. Wears earth shoes and drinks herbal tea
Or else he's some father confessor, who tells you you're too good for me ...
The bastard!
I'll bet he still lives with his mother - his car is some 10 year old bomb
He's fat and he's balding and brother, he's no competition for Tom
Lucy: Sebastian ..
Tom: Hmm.. I can't stay but I had to see it for just a minute
Lucy: Now that's a man, a great looking guy .. look at that hair (wow),
oh couldn't you die..
Tom: Shutup .. Ah ha, yes the bastard's pretentious
Nice hair but he's poor as can be
Some how I will now get so contentious
It's time for confronting, I'm going man hunting,
He's no competition for me!
Man: That's cause you no give the love
Tom: Hey, I give her the love.
I give her the love as much as any man who's been married for 15 years can give the love
Man; Ok, ok mister.. but you know and I know .. not the right kind of love
Tom: Hey, you seem like a wise man.. so what should I do?
Man: Hunt him down, and kill him.
He's an animal, this man who messed with your wife
Tom: He's an animal, this dog with no right to a life
Man: What to do with an animal, who's ripped off your yard?
Tom: It's time to get brutal.. it's time for some whomp-ass
After all you're Tom Ambrose, this shouldn't be hard
I bet he's some college professor. Wears earth shoes and drinks herbal tea
Or else he's some father confessor, who tells you you're too good for me ...
The bastard!
I'll bet he still lives with his mother - his car is some 10 year old bomb
He's fat and he's balding and brother, he's no competition for Tom
Lucy: Sebastian ..
Tom: Hmm.. I can't stay but I had to see it for just a minute
Lucy: Now that's a man, a great looking guy .. look at that hair (wow),
oh couldn't you die..
Tom: Shutup .. Ah ha, yes the bastard's pretentious
Nice hair but he's poor as can be
Some how I will now get so contentious
It's time for confronting, I'm going man hunting,
He's no competition for me!
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Opportunity Knocking
Tom: He needs a roommate, he's out of money
I need a room ..hahaha.. isn't that funny
I hear opportunity knocking . And it's time to answer the door
There's a man in my Christmas stocking
Knock knock, welcome to hell. .. I'm your brand new roommate
Yes, I hear opportunity knocking .. knocking him up side of his head
My ship's come in and baby I'm docking (yeah yeah)
No! This is depraved and immoral, and one thing that's for sure, he'll find out, I'm lying
Every second I'll be Lying, lying, lying
But after all I'm in advertising
So I suppose I know how to lie
I'll admit I'm rationalizing, so what
He deserves it, I can do it .. I will do it .. screw it, opportunity's knocking
And I've got a plan .. Oh brother if she's your woman, then baby I'm your man
I need a room ..hahaha.. isn't that funny
I hear opportunity knocking . And it's time to answer the door
There's a man in my Christmas stocking
Knock knock, welcome to hell. .. I'm your brand new roommate
Yes, I hear opportunity knocking .. knocking him up side of his head
My ship's come in and baby I'm docking (yeah yeah)
No! This is depraved and immoral, and one thing that's for sure, he'll find out, I'm lying
Every second I'll be Lying, lying, lying
But after all I'm in advertising
So I suppose I know how to lie
I'll admit I'm rationalizing, so what
He deserves it, I can do it .. I will do it .. screw it, opportunity's knocking
And I've got a plan .. Oh brother if she's your woman, then baby I'm your man
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Free Easy Guy
Sebastian:
Some men walk down corporate halls
Swinging their balls, making big dough
Some men spend their lives trading stock
Slaves to the clock, ready to blow
Oh, I'm not a suit, I'm not a tie
Please let me specify
I'm just a very artistic, happy, holistic
Thank God, I'm a free, easy guy
Next time you are stuck at a desk, So Kaufka-esque. Give me a call
You can find me down by a pond, squeezing a blond, having a ball
So let's get real and let's not lie, We don't see eye to eye
You're just a capitalistic, working statistic, Too bad, you're not free
Oh you are in some trouble I guess, Drowning in stress, do not despair
I can help you learn how to live, love and forgive, I'll take you there
Cause I believe the day I die, I'll thank the lord that I was just a
very artistic, happy, holistic, Real optimistic, ok, narcissistic, joyous and healing
With Deep inner feeling, A Thank God, I'm a free easy guy, Ohh... yeah!
Tom:
Some men live downtown in a dump, happy to hump, other men's wives
Romeo has now met his match, batten each hatch
See who survives
I love my suit, I love my tie
And let me clarify
He's just a semi-artistic, shallow simplistic, Thank god, I'm not him, easy guy
Some men walk down corporate halls
Swinging their balls, making big dough
Some men spend their lives trading stock
Slaves to the clock, ready to blow
Oh, I'm not a suit, I'm not a tie
Please let me specify
I'm just a very artistic, happy, holistic
Thank God, I'm a free, easy guy
Next time you are stuck at a desk, So Kaufka-esque. Give me a call
You can find me down by a pond, squeezing a blond, having a ball
So let's get real and let's not lie, We don't see eye to eye
You're just a capitalistic, working statistic, Too bad, you're not free
Oh you are in some trouble I guess, Drowning in stress, do not despair
I can help you learn how to live, love and forgive, I'll take you there
Cause I believe the day I die, I'll thank the lord that I was just a
very artistic, happy, holistic, Real optimistic, ok, narcissistic, joyous and healing
With Deep inner feeling, A Thank God, I'm a free easy guy, Ohh... yeah!
Tom:
Some men live downtown in a dump, happy to hump, other men's wives
Romeo has now met his match, batten each hatch
See who survives
I love my suit, I love my tie
And let me clarify
He's just a semi-artistic, shallow simplistic, Thank god, I'm not him, easy guy
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Free, Easy Guy (Reprise)
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Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Take Me Into You
Sebastian:
Every colour, every curve, they all serve to uncover what is true
Every shadow, every shade
They're all made to take me into you
Take me into you, though I know it won't be easy
Take me into you and let yourself go
Lucy: Though I'm terrified, I'll try not to give a down-serry, as I am
Sebastian: I'll relax some more, and let the sunlight warm your shadow ..Take me into you
Lucy: I'll let myself go
Both:
Why should we turn back? Things are not the way they were
Everything's a blur; suddenly I'm here caught by surprise
Looking in my lover's eyes
Though it may seem less than wise
Who knows where life may lead
Never dreamt I'd see this through
Follow our paths so new
But I'll go, if you will take me into you
Falling into love without regrets,
Recklessly without a net
Just a game with life's roulette
That carried you to me
Maybe I was overdue, for one small dream come true
Now I'll dream that you will take me into you
Take me, into you
Every colour, every curve, they all serve to uncover what is true
Every shadow, every shade
They're all made to take me into you
Take me into you, though I know it won't be easy
Take me into you and let yourself go
Lucy: Though I'm terrified, I'll try not to give a down-serry, as I am
Sebastian: I'll relax some more, and let the sunlight warm your shadow ..Take me into you
Lucy: I'll let myself go
Both:
Why should we turn back? Things are not the way they were
Everything's a blur; suddenly I'm here caught by surprise
Looking in my lover's eyes
Though it may seem less than wise
Who knows where life may lead
Never dreamt I'd see this through
Follow our paths so new
But I'll go, if you will take me into you
Falling into love without regrets,
Recklessly without a net
Just a game with life's roulette
That carried you to me
Maybe I was overdue, for one small dream come true
Now I'll dream that you will take me into you
Take me, into you
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Because
Lucy:
Tom, I'll always love you. After all we made a vow
You never took it seriously, but I did, well until now
Tom, I've been unfaithful. Though I thought I never would
Now do I feel sad? Yes, but just a tad
I've been bad, and perhaps that's good
Because you rarely listen.. Because you never try
Because the man I married, was a hell of a nicer guy
Because our life grew boring, because I'm full of fears
Because he's done some things to me that you haven't done in years
Because I'm growing older, because my looks won't last
Because happy ever after, is a fairy tale of the past
Because he's quite a lover, because you quite, are not
Because you swore fidelity, then immediately forgot
Now you may double standard me, saying it's not the same somehow
But all the times you filandered me
I thought it was my fault, 'til now
And now I'll wear these frills, I'll wear this skirt
Though it's a little tight, I'll wear these shoes, the ones that hurt
You see I ain't Snow White
I'll wear the dress that's a little small, I'll wear the heels that are way too tall
Tom, take a look, I took it all
Because I'm only human, because I'm in my prime
Because you're out two timing me, for maybe the 15th time
Because you have no conscience, because he makes me drool
Because no longer will I play the role, the suffering wife, the fool
Because he thinks I'm special, because you think we're through
But most of all, I want him so much, because, because, because
Because he's not you
Tom, I'll always love you. After all we made a vow
You never took it seriously, but I did, well until now
Tom, I've been unfaithful. Though I thought I never would
Now do I feel sad? Yes, but just a tad
I've been bad, and perhaps that's good
Because you rarely listen.. Because you never try
Because the man I married, was a hell of a nicer guy
Because our life grew boring, because I'm full of fears
Because he's done some things to me that you haven't done in years
Because I'm growing older, because my looks won't last
Because happy ever after, is a fairy tale of the past
Because he's quite a lover, because you quite, are not
Because you swore fidelity, then immediately forgot
Now you may double standard me, saying it's not the same somehow
But all the times you filandered me
I thought it was my fault, 'til now
And now I'll wear these frills, I'll wear this skirt
Though it's a little tight, I'll wear these shoes, the ones that hurt
You see I ain't Snow White
I'll wear the dress that's a little small, I'll wear the heels that are way too tall
Tom, take a look, I took it all
Because I'm only human, because I'm in my prime
Because you're out two timing me, for maybe the 15th time
Because you have no conscience, because he makes me drool
Because no longer will I play the role, the suffering wife, the fool
Because he thinks I'm special, because you think we're through
But most of all, I want him so much, because, because, because
Because he's not you
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
The Confession
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Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
The Greatest Friend
Sebastian:
His name was Alex. He was my roommate
We had this funky bachelor pad, we picked up women, we were bad
We drove cross country, in his shit-ass Chevy
That thing broke down, around south bend
He was the greatest friend
Tom:
His name was Franklin, my drinking buddy
Some nights we passed out on the floor, then we'd wake up and drink some more
We got arrested, for jogging naked
I thought the fun would never end
He was the greatest friend
Both
Oh we swore we would always live close by
No matter our lives, our wives or our careers
Oh we formed a bond that would never die
I haven't heard from him in years
Tom:
So life gets funny, and time to end things
This bond I thought would always last, it's now a footnote in my past
Both
His name was Alex, His name was Franklin
As you grow old, you can't pretend
It's hard to make, a friend
His name was Alex. He was my roommate
We had this funky bachelor pad, we picked up women, we were bad
We drove cross country, in his shit-ass Chevy
That thing broke down, around south bend
He was the greatest friend
Tom:
His name was Franklin, my drinking buddy
Some nights we passed out on the floor, then we'd wake up and drink some more
We got arrested, for jogging naked
I thought the fun would never end
He was the greatest friend
Both
Oh we swore we would always live close by
No matter our lives, our wives or our careers
Oh we formed a bond that would never die
I haven't heard from him in years
Tom:
So life gets funny, and time to end things
This bond I thought would always last, it's now a footnote in my past
Both
His name was Alex, His name was Franklin
As you grow old, you can't pretend
It's hard to make, a friend
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Downtown Bohemian Slum
Seb: Hey, I got a surprise for you .
Tom: No, no, I don't like surprises.
Seb: Lucy's coming here
Seb: She will love you
Tom: I somehow doubt that
Seb: Why so gloomy? Listen roomy, just hold steady and get ready.
I have a hunch .. she's coming for brunch. I should
have bought more furniture, Does she know what's in store
The kitchen's a disaster. There's mildew on the floor,
Ok, it's rundown, at least it's mine. It's all that I've become
So welcome my dear Lucy, to my downtown, Bohemian Slum
Now some would say, a man my age, shouldn't be this poor
An artist who is starving, should be like 24
But there are no rats, just a mouse
I watched him steal a crumb
I find there is joy here Lucy, in my downtown, 4 flights, Bohemian Slum
Lucy:
I parked my car, I hope it's safe. I bravely made it here.
His doorway reeks of urine. His neighbors smell like beer
Now take a deep breath, just stay calm, and smile at that nice bum
I'm pride I finally made it, to his downtown, 4 flight, walk up Bohemian Slum
Tom:
Ok I'm trapped, I'll tell the truth. I'll just say, Lucy dear
I moved in with your lover, and he thinks that I'm queer
We'll have a laugh, no we won't
No wonder I feel numb. My life will soon be over
In this downtown, 4 flights, walk up, f*ck me, Bohemian Slum
Seb:
Now she'll come and look about; I just hope she'll believe
That squalor can be charming; and dirt has "joix de vive"
I should have swept up, cleaned the sink
Washed off all the scum. Oh god, please like it Lucy
It's my Downtown. 4 flight, walk-up Bohemian Slum
It's my Downtown. 4 flight, walk-up f*ck me Bohemian Slum
Come on up Lucy!
Tom: No, no, I don't like surprises.
Seb: Lucy's coming here
Seb: She will love you
Tom: I somehow doubt that
Seb: Why so gloomy? Listen roomy, just hold steady and get ready.
I have a hunch .. she's coming for brunch. I should
have bought more furniture, Does she know what's in store
The kitchen's a disaster. There's mildew on the floor,
Ok, it's rundown, at least it's mine. It's all that I've become
So welcome my dear Lucy, to my downtown, Bohemian Slum
Now some would say, a man my age, shouldn't be this poor
An artist who is starving, should be like 24
But there are no rats, just a mouse
I watched him steal a crumb
I find there is joy here Lucy, in my downtown, 4 flights, Bohemian Slum
Lucy:
I parked my car, I hope it's safe. I bravely made it here.
His doorway reeks of urine. His neighbors smell like beer
Now take a deep breath, just stay calm, and smile at that nice bum
I'm pride I finally made it, to his downtown, 4 flight, walk up Bohemian Slum
Tom:
Ok I'm trapped, I'll tell the truth. I'll just say, Lucy dear
I moved in with your lover, and he thinks that I'm queer
We'll have a laugh, no we won't
No wonder I feel numb. My life will soon be over
In this downtown, 4 flights, walk up, f*ck me, Bohemian Slum
Seb:
Now she'll come and look about; I just hope she'll believe
That squalor can be charming; and dirt has "joix de vive"
I should have swept up, cleaned the sink
Washed off all the scum. Oh god, please like it Lucy
It's my Downtown. 4 flight, walk-up Bohemian Slum
It's my Downtown. 4 flight, walk-up f*ck me Bohemian Slum
Come on up Lucy!
Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
You Will Never Get Into This Restaurant
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Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
Me, Too/One-Woman Man
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Take Me Into You (Reprise)
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Highway Of Your Heart
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Copyright: Lyrics © Original Writer and Publisher
The Better Man Won
Tom:
Raise a glass, let's toast a good fight
All things pass, and some turn out right
15 years, it was quite a run
Screw the tears, the better man won
What I did, I did from the heart
But, why kid, I wasn't too smart
Close the book, The tale has been spawn
Take a look, the better man won
I hope he loves you madly, treats you kindly, Takes good care
I hope he pays attention, may he be your every prayer
I hope your days are happy, and you sometimes think of me
I hope he's everything that I could never be
That's the game, my friend took the prize
I became a little more wise
Early frost, my summer is done
One man lost, one man lost, the better man won
The better man won
Raise a glass, let's toast a good fight
All things pass, and some turn out right
15 years, it was quite a run
Screw the tears, the better man won
What I did, I did from the heart
But, why kid, I wasn't too smart
Close the book, The tale has been spawn
Take a look, the better man won
I hope he loves you madly, treats you kindly, Takes good care
I hope he pays attention, may he be your every prayer
I hope your days are happy, and you sometimes think of me
I hope he's everything that I could never be
That's the game, my friend took the prize
I became a little more wise
Early frost, my summer is done
One man lost, one man lost, the better man won
The better man won
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Too Road To Lucy
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Make Me A Promise, Thomas
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New, Beautiful Man
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Time To Go Home
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Finale/You Can Have It All
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The Thing About Men is a musical with music by Jimmy Roberts and lyrics and book by Joe DiPietro. It is based on the 1985 German film Men by Doris Dörrie. The plot revolves around a love triangle and shows what men will do to keep their pride and love affairs intact.
Performed By:
The Thing About MenGenre(s): Musical
Year: 2003