Third Leg Greg - Can't Get Hard Lyrics

Hey, it's Third Leg Greg
And I want to personally welcome you
To a set of songs I've carefully created
Explaining the most darkest heartbreaking moments of my life
The times that the hoes helped me make it through
And the most embarrassing sexual moments of my life
I hope you have a good laugh and find this project relatable
It starts like this

Took this girl home from the bar
It's 8pm and I can't get hard
I've tried all extends and viagra
She's touching herself
Shes wetter than Niagara
And if we f*ck then I'm done
Maybe I need a pump
Cuz I got a lump that looks like Donald Trump
Don't disrespect my intellect
She pops another perceset
And I ain't even touch her yet
I'm fingering her until my hand smells like fish
Looking down at waist I got one wish
My dick is softer than blanket
It's so soft I use tweezers to wank it
I watch porn every second it don't do shit
My name is Third Leg, f*ck, now I gotta prove it
She's looking bored and I think I'm gonna lose her
I can't get hard and I don't wanna confuse her

Can't get hard
Man I can't get hard
Somebody help me out
Let me show you what I'm about!

Can't get hard
Man I can't get hard
Somebody help me out
Let me show you what I'm about!

Yeah, I just can't get Hard man
Damn
I just can't get hard

Look girl, I promise this never happens to me
I promise when I get hard my cock will look 3-D
And I'll be 3 deep
In the bitch pussy like a steep
Sloping jeep that goes deeper as it leaps
I wanna masterbate then fornicate then masterbate again
I wanna beat my dick and make a mess on her chin
I can't get hard ,So she goes home
I miss her
I spend the night, Beating off
To her picture
Floppy dick, soft as shit, like play-doh
Beat my dick, it won't move a muscle