timmy the band - believe me, the sky is green Lyrics

We filed the divorce papers today
You cried on the way, I was stone cold in the face
But deep down I wanted to run away
This crater in my chest overwhelmed me
So I drank a bottle of alcohol with a friend
Drove home seeing double
Grabbed a makeshift rope, tied it around a door post
Skipped the suicide note, wrapped the rope around my throat
Didn't even hesitate
Dropped all my body weight
Felt the blood rush to my face
Finally I get to escape
Blacked out, nothing after, no bright lights, no laughter
For a brief moment nothing else mattered
But death never arrived
Woke up on the floor again, somehow I survived
How the f*ck did I get here
I made sure that knot was tight
Stood up as if from a long sleep, but something didn't feel right
Went to the bathroom and threw up
Went to the mirror and noticed a bruise on my face
Must have hit the wall as I fell, after somehow once again escaping hell
What's my purpose, why won't I f*cking die
You can't help but let me live no matter how hard I try
My marriage is over, my blank is like heroin
I have these feelings that will never be felt back, what do I do
Move on, get over it, it'll get better with time
I'm only getting older and it's still not f*cking fine
I don't want to lose this friendship, it's f*cking beautiful
But I keep getting in our way failing us both like usual
What does it mean when you're afraid of yourself
When every day is a struggle to not kill your f*cking self
When happiness sits two feet away from you
Reach out to touch but that happiness pulls himself away from you
It's a f*cking nightmare
Feeling one way but having to live another
While everyone else gets what they want
Because you give of yourself like no other
When will this nightmare end
When you love me like I love you
When I wake up
You're there
And I'm whole again
Maybe then