Out in the woods, I have a small house
Inside, lives a very nice mouse
Went for a walk the other day
Came across a baby eagle egg
Must have fallen from high above
Gave it all my unconditional love
Held it in my hands to help it hatch
Turns out we're a really nice match
Baby eagle started wakin' me up
I poured some hot java into his cup
Walked out the door to collect some wood
Totally forgot his eagle hood
But it was a very nice day
We streamed Netflix anyway
Later, while resting his wings
We watched all of Stranger Things
The eagle and I have a very small house
No one knows what happened to that mouse
Taught him how to play guitar
Although, he didn't get too far
Still made me very proud
His eagle call is really f*ckin' loud
He turns his amp to eleven
His favorite Stranger Things character is Eleven
Living with this bird of prey
Is starting to really get in my f*ckin' way
Hasn't done the dishes in weeks
Leaves up all my toilet seats
Do eagles even have a soul?
He was once cute, but now a f*ckin' asshole
Last night he shit fish in my bed
I had to sleep out in my rusty shed
It's now been thirty days and thirty nights
We've been in seventy-nine fights
I told the eagle he has to leave
He said, I'm never gonna f*ckin' leave!