Tristan A. Smith - Dating Shirts Lyrics

I got a question for you guys. I don't know if you can see from this distance, but I just found my first ever grey hair on my girlfriend's pussy
I don't have a girlfriend. I just wanted you to like me
I don't have a girlfriend, but I did get asked out. I got asked out recently. I got asked out by a friend
She asked me out through Facebook Messenger of all places

And the message said"Hey Tristan, when I first met you, I thought you were cute. I'm single now. If you're single too, let's go out, let's get a beer"
I was like"Hell yeah" Then I was like"Nobody's ever asked me out. You know what? She got hacked" That's what this is
Really? So you've been crushing me for the whole last two years? You ain't say shit about it? No, bitch, you a catfish

I'm not dumb. You're trying to get my credit card information
So I went to her Facebook profile. I went to her profile. I looked up the last six months of her posts
Nothing seemed weird about them. I looked up six months. They all seemed kind of normal. They all seemed kind of okay
I was like"Okay, she's not a catfish" She probably messaged the wrong Tristan

So I went to her Friends list. Now a lot of you might be thinking that I typed my name to the search bar of her friends list. That's not what I did
I painstakingly scrolled through all the names. All the A's, the B's, the C's
So I got to the T's, the TR's, TRI's, just to see if there's one other Tristan. And there was
But that nigga was ugly"How did this happen? How did she choose me?"

I spent 24 hours doing a background check on that woman
And in that time, she reconciled with her boyfriend, and now I'm alone
And it hurts. It hurts so much. It hurts a lot
And whenever I tell that story to other comedians, They say"You know what, Tristan, that's okay""You didn't get the date, at least you get the comedy. You didn't get the girl, but you get the jokes
Isn't that enough?" And I want to be very clear right now
I would much rather have the date than these few minutes
Like, if you think I would rather have your laughter than my own happiness

Like, I know about 12 people in this room. I like two of you
Like, this is not what you think it is
Even though I didn't get to go out her, I was disappointed, obviously, in the moment
But after a while, I realized, you know what, that's probably for the best

Because I realized I don't really offer as much to a woman as I would like to offer, you know?
Like, I only own four shirts
I have these two shirts and two other shirts
So that's all I have

That's not enough shirts to be out here dating
Because no matter how well things are going, I have to ghost her after date number four
Because that's too early to start repeating shirts
Like, whenever you want to, you know, date somebody, people tell you you need a few different things, you know

You got to be charming, you got to be affectionate, you got to be loving, you got to be funny
Nigga, you need shirts. Like, that's the thing
That's the thing you need and nobody ever told me
Alright. Let me switch gears

Actually, I'm going to stay in the same. Okay
Alright, so.