Wyler Adair - Scars of My Past Lyrics

I looked in the mirror and thought
How did I become so lost
I wanna live this dream
But I don't know what it will cost
I think to myself every day
What would happen if I prayed
But then I remember
My life would still be grey
'Cause I don't know if I believe
I feel like I'm being deceived
By a single man
That has not been proved to me
Yet, he controls my life
The highs and the strife
So, if you're out there
Please give me a sign
They say you die twice
Once when they bury you in the grave
And the second time is the last time somebody says your name
So will my legacy live on
Will people listen to the songs
Will these lyrics help your mental even when mines gone
I don't wanna keep livin' lies
But I can't say I'll give it another try
So I sit in my room and start to cry
Get in my head and start asking why
Why am I still alive
Why can't I just die
I'm sad every single day
Now I wanna say bye-bye
I got all these addictions
They mucking about with my system
Don't even bother asking about them
I don't have time to list 'em
I'm 10 drinks down
Feel like I'm gonna drown
Don't try to help me
I already left the town
I've seen people die to a knife
I've seen people take their own life
I've seen all of the spirits bring out the evil inside
And trust me, that's something you don't wanna see
I've seen them sprint from the scene
After the gun echoes out its screams
I'm so distant
Two parts of my mind are conflicted
I don't know which one to listen to
It's causing too much friction
These words just want eviction
But I don't know how to do it
Unless I'm on a beat
So take a seat and now I'll spew it
There's so much that goes on in my head
That can only be released through lead
I try to make peace
But I can't get out of these sheets
My vision is always clouded
By distorts that mess with my milage
Workin' with half a tank
Now my minds just gone blank
I'm only committed to suicide
It's my longest relationship
But I don't wanna die
I wanna kill this version of me
That's trapped inside this key
And that way I can unlock
Everything that's blocked
Then I can improve all of my cons
Right all of my wrongs
We only get one life
And I wanna live it right
I wanna leave a legacy
I wanna be a shining light
I wanna give people the might
To go and fight their demons
It seems that now, they're leaving
So now I can live in freedom
I haven't beaten my depression
But I've at least taught it a lesson
Made sure that it's lessened
Hope I make it up to heaven
But I have one question
Is that where I'm destined
Lord, you know my bad deeds
You know how I bleed
You know what it means
You know where I've been
Searching for the answers
The scars of my past
Hoping they could last
And maybe they will
But I'll have to give them the will
And that's something that I never will