It was my first Christmas without a Christmas tree
It was my first Christmas where I stood outside in nothing but a shirt and shorts
It was my first winter with my extended family
I spent the New Year's Eve watching fireworks burst not even 10 yards away from me
And no, I'm not talking about those small sparklers you can get around New Year's time
The loud ones-the kind that echoes in-between each ear-I swear-how could my baby cousin smile?
How was it that I could laugh in front of these booming
Deafening shockwaves and all these bright blinding lights?
A train-a train incoming, the sound of the rails, metal screeching and scratching against metal
A destination that seemed to go somewhere unviewable in the distance, a scene that felt so special
Like that scene in Spirited Away, an image stuck in my mental
Well, I boarded that train, going one line, going one path
Which made me think-Did I have a choice?
Do I have to leave everything behind, everything I have?
I wake up and my stop is in the United States of America
I get off the train, and I'm supposed to be in a paradise with infinite opportunities
Countless possibilities, limitless areas
But I get a little selfish
Instead, I feel a hole where the closeness of my grandparents
Aunts, uncles ,cousins, and childhood friends used to be
Wondering whose else's arms I miss being held in
But I was only 1 year old, what could I possibly remember?
With every memory that relapses, I feel a new splinter
A piece of my home stuck in my body, even when I try to remove them, they reenter
Well, it turns out there are more just like me
Same skin tone, different shades but all the same
Different names but familiar faces
Some family left behind, Some family stayin'
Some language barriers, Some children with trouble playin'
Some children who can't make friends, some who thought they were just waiting
Waiting to go home, waiting and waiting
Some who think they need to fix their accent, some who feel it's their parents they're shaming
Some who get so much pressure from parents, they feel like they're failing
The worst part is that I don't find myself relating
My family treats me with so much love that I get confused when I hear others complaining
I ask how it's possible that your own parents are the ones you're hating
Sometimes I wish I could take your place so I would know the pain
So I wouldn't have to watch you suffer over and over as your anxiety overtakes
You feel like you can't succeed unless the numbers are higher than the highest plane
And you feel like you got on the wrong train
But you're thankful
You're still thankful for what God's given you
You're thankful for the friends who are there where other people should be
And that's what you call your family
See, I don't know my next destination
I don't know where this new train is taking me
But I know I'll be okay