Yung $hade - Suicide Lyrics

F*ck you
F*ck you I f*cking hate you
I don't want to f*cking see you again
Do you understand that
Is that f*cking clear enough for you
No
No it's not
You wanna know why
Because you're a f*cking retard

Baby I'm not right
Suicide is in my mind every night
I didn't want you to see me cry
I don't know how to say goodbye

Baby I'm not right
Suicide is in my mind every night
I didn't want you to see me cry
I don't know how to say goodbye

Yeah
Back in high school I was severely bullied
I attempted suicide but I didn't lose my life fully
And I was thankful for that
Because eventually I got my happiness right back on track
Next stop was college and it was pretty dope
I thankfully never thought bout bringing back the rope
Whenever bad shit happened I was able to cope
But there was a point in time again where I started losing hope
There was a girl I dated for about 2 years
All her abuse I hid like trauma and the tears
Even tho I was always there for her and her depression and fears
She threatened to kill herself one point when I wanted to leave
She kept me under control and I just couldn't believe
Why would she yell, swear, and do all this to me
Then one day she ended our relationship
Cause there was a situation that I called manipulation

Baby I'm not right
Suicide is in my mind every night
I didn't want you to see me cry
I don't know how to say goodbye

Baby I'm not right
Suicide is in my mind every night
I didn't want you to see me cry
I don't know how to say goodbye

But she didn't believe it was
Telling me to cancel all my plans with friends wasn't enough?
But her breaking up with me realistically wasn't tough
You know what was, all the abuse and fake love
It's been boutta half a year now that my ex broke up with me
She would always keep calling me a retard and then finally confessed that she
Didn't wanna be with who has autism and that I should go kill myself
But I'm not depressed and she's the one that needs help
Nobody should ever say something like that
Whether or not they mean it as a fact
Then I started using drugs to help me sleep at night
I started with one a day and like
I used it as an excuse
But really it was a way to cope with the abuse
This drug last 10-16 hours
Its like I was tossing extra pesticides to the flowers
Thinkin it's gonna help
But all its doin is ruining my health

Baby I'm not right
Suicide is in my mind every night
I didn't want you to see me cry
I don't know how to say goodbye

Baby I'm not right
Suicide is in my mind every night
I didn't want you to see me cry
I don't know how to say goodbye

Soon after
Some girl who bullied me in high school was tipsy and bumped into me outside of a club
She was crying and apologizing to me and gave me a hug
She said how she thinks that I'm so hot
Then she asked for my number, and kissed me, and I never woulda thought
That, then we talked for a few months and she wanted to hangout
But then she cancelled and stopped talking
Cause all she really wanted was to apologize
So she can feel good about herself
But she didn't really mean it tho
Turns out she's just another fake ass ho
I started taking higher doses
Subconsciously hopin for comatosin
I was relyin on the dope an
Chokin myself with a rope an
A couple months later
I bumped into a homie I had back in high school
Yeah he was strange but cool
I haven't seen him for years
We were catchin up and talkin bout old peers
We talked about a nice classmate we had
That killed himself a month before
We were shocked because we never thought he'd go out that door
He seemed so happy but it was a mask he wore

Baby I'm not right
Suicide is in my mind every night
I didn't want you to see me cry
I don't know how to say goodbye

Baby I'm not right
Suicide is in my mind every night
I didn't want you to see me cry
I don't know how to say goodbye

Now my dosage again increased
Feeling like I wanted to get closer to deceased
Fast forward a couple months more
Two of my homies got murdered
Dead on the floor
This shit hit me hard
Hit me right to the core
I didn't know how it could get this bad
I had no idea what's in store
This was the end of it all
This was it I swore
The past five years there's been friends and peers around my age who died
Deaths ranged from overdose, murder, and suicide
And y'all know I attempted suicide back in the day
But now I'm thinking again whether or not suicide is my fate
I tell everyone that I'm fine when I'm really not
Bodies dropping round me
Why not me too
I can fade to black
Instead of being blue
So this rope I hang real high in my room
At this point you know what I'm gonna do
I'm sorry that it has to end this way
But I know that this has to be my last day
Bed of roses is where I'll lay
Cruel world are the last words that I'll say
Cruel world are the last words that I'll say

Baby I'm not right
Suicide is in my mind every night
I didn't want you to see me cry
I don't know how to say goodbye

Baby I'm not right
Suicide is in my mind every night
I didn't want you to see me cry
I don't know how to say goodbye