It Shoulda Been You Musical Album Lyrics

(Performed by Lisa Howard (Jenny). Lyrics by Hargrove and Michael Cooper)

JENNY:
Something old, something new
Something borrowed, something blue
Something blue-ish... Well it's true-ish
When you're jewish
And thirty-two... ish.

You've been waiting for this day
Panty-hose, damn

On this day of celebration
When you've barely slept a wink
On this day of pure elation
When you sure can use a drink
On this day of aggrevation
When you think

I never wanted this
The creamy silk and satin
I never wanted this
The flowers and the fuss

What's the use of getting married?
Forget the wedding cake
And cook the rice you've planned to throw
Cause you're making a mistake

Til' we pray and we fight
For a wedding that is joyus
For a day dressed in white
That might quite possibly destroy us

So you dream of those vows you'll say
While you're throwing your life away
All of this for a steady lay

I never wanted this
Who wants all this attention?
I never wanted this
Make a noose and tie the knot

I never wanted to get married
Never wanted to get married
Never wanted to get married

JUDY: [spoken]
Jenny, take that veil off. You'll stretch it out so much it won't fit your sister

JENNY:
And I'm not

[spoken]
Who am I kidding? I wouldn't fit into this if I was cremated.

JUDY: [spoken]
Jenny, I forgot. Did you cancel the panini station?

JENNY: [spoken]
Yes!

JUDY: [spoken)
Well call them back. What kind of wedding doesn't have a panini station?
People will talk.

JENNY: [spoken]
Whatever...

JUDY
A mother's work is never done
When a daughter's getting married
I've still got errands left to run
And Devon has to do my hair
The seating chart what was I thinking?
Keep an eye on Sheila's drinking
Worryin's okay
My baby's getting married on this day

I'm going to go check on your sister

JENNY
Why don't you call Rebecca first, give her a chance to... run away!

MIMSY & WALT
Doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo
Bah dah dah dah dah dah
Dah dah dah
Ahh

(Hotel telephone rings)

REBECCA
Hello

JENNY
Incoming

REBECCA
No! Incoming

I think I'm dying!
My pulse is racing!
I'm close to death!

BRIAN
Now don't start crying
And stop your pacing
Just take a breath

REBECCA
What are the symptoms
Of anaphylactic shock?
I'll never make it through this day

JUDY
How's my girl, is she okay?

REBECCA
I'm good

JUDY
My darling precious child. My beautiful innocent little virgin

REBECCA
Mother, I'm not a--

JUDY
Let me have my fantasy, please. Are you ready for our big day?

REBECCA
Ready as I'll ever be

JUDY
Good. And remember we're all having our hair done at ten
And tell what's his name it's bad luck to see the bride before the ceremony!

REBECCA
My mother's psychic!

BRIAN
Your mother's psycho!

JENNY
What else is new?!

Brian, your being here is bad luck

BRIAN
And kine-ahora, it'll all be fine

JENNY
Did you just say kine-ahora?

BRIAN
Yeah, I picked up a Yiddish phrase book to impress your parents

JENNY
Like a lamb to slaughter. Where are the best man and co-Maid-of-Honor?

BRIAN
They're getting dressed

GREG
Best rehearsal dinner ever!

ANNIE
Whoooooohooooo!

JENNY
Check. Now you two shoe me some lovin', to remind me why I'm doing all this
That's what I'm talking about

MIMSY & WALT
Doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo

ALBERT MIMSY & WALT
I desing Bah dah dah
I perfect Dah dah dah
So their day is Dah dah dah
Pure enjoyment Ahh

ALBERT, MIMSY & WALT
No detail
Left unckecked

MIMSY & WALT
Or he'll--
We'll be on unemployment

(Hotel telephone rings)

JENNY
Hello

ALBERT
So you do want the Panini station. What's a wedding without one?

JENNY
How'd you know that, Albert?

ALBERT
I'm a wedding planner, Jenny. We see and hear everything

JENNY
Thanks, Albert

ALBERT
No problem

MIMSY & WALT
No problem

JUDY
Did you get the Wedding Planner?

JENNY
He got me. The staff at this hotel--they like see and hear everything

JUDY
Then I guess you won't need to tell him that I'm beginning to think a Panini Station is a little too--

(Hotel telephone rings)

JENNY
On it. Hello

ALBERT
Eighty-six the Panini Station, got it

JENNY
Albert, you're the best

ALBERT
I live to serve

JENNY
Then would you call the groom's mother for me?

ALBERT
No hablo inglés

JENNY
Make a noose and tie the knot...

GEORGETTE
Hello. Yes. Oh, hellooooooo, Jenny. All ready for the big day? Uh-huh. Uh-huh
Of course, I'm looking forward to having my hair done with you girls. Bye

GEORGE
Are you really going to let someone beside Elsie do your hair?

GEORGETTE
Don't be stupid, George. You've got to get Brian to call off this wedding

GEORGE
Brian and I don't talk, Georgette

GEORGETTE
Well then start. Bond with the boy, open his eyes, talk some sense into him

GEORGE
That's a lot to do before noon

GEORGETTE
Fine

Get me some ice
And hand me the gin
There's times in her life
A mother can't win
My son doesn't know
The trouble he's in
I guess I'll have to play nice
So get me some ice

JUDY
Jenny! Jenny!!!!!!

JENNY
In the shower!

JUDY
I just remembered, your Aunt Sheila had a Panini--

JENNY
Calling!

All of this for a steady--

(A cell phone rings)

MARTY
Hello

JENNY
This has already turned into the longest wedding day in history

MARTY
Wedding day? Jenny?

JENNY
Oh, no. Please no. Dad! Dad! Dad!

MURRAY
What? What is it, Sweetheart?

JENNY
I just accidentally called Marty

MURRAY
That's okay, Rebecca's ex-boyfriend or not, he's like a member of this family

JENNY
But, Rebecca didn't want him to know the wedding was today. She was afraid he'd tray to stop it

MURRAY
Ah, don't worry about it, he probably didn't even know it was you

MARTY
It's a sign!
I wasn't gonna do this
I wasn't gonna get involved
But it's a sign!
I wasn't gonna do this
But it felt so unresolved
Now I know I was right
Right from the start
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

It's a sign!
I will change her mind, I swear
It's a sign!
They won't even know I'm there
I can't just walk away
I've got to have my say

Jenny still has me on speed dial--I'm never turning my cell phone off in a theatre again!

It's a sign!
I'm gonna stop this wedding day!

ALBERT
Unrequited and uninvited. A recipe for disaster

WALT
This is terrible

MIMSY
Oh no, it's fantastic!

ALL
Still we pray and we fight for
A wedding that is joyous

REBECA
I think I'm dying!

JUDY
Amother's work is never done

ALL
For a day dressed in white

MARTY
It's a sign

JENNY
Make a noose and tie the knot

ALL
That might

GEORGETTE
Ice

ALL
Quite possibly destroy us

GEORGETTE
Nice

ALL
At this wedding celebration

JENNY
Where you barely slept a wink

WALT
With its grand panini station

JENNY
Where you sure could use a drink

JUDY
It will be so life affirming

BRIAN & REBECCA
While we're struggling
And squirming

MIMSY
We'll be fabulous and floral

ALBERT
And delightfully immoral

ANNIE
Suspenful and upsetting

GREG
There's something I'm forgetting

GEORGETTE
Completely soul destroying

JUDY
And deliberately annoying

ALL
We'll be dressed
Smart and snappy
While we're happily unhappy
With our hearts on display

MARTY
It's a sign!

ALL
This day. This day

REBECCA
I'll never make it through...

ALL
This day

JENNY
I never wanted this

(Performed by Lisa Howard (Jenny) and Sierra Boggess (Rebecca, Lyrics by Hargrove and Carla Rose Fisher)

[Jenny];
You've always been calm, you've always been Zen so breathe or do some yoga,
The sister who's fun who brings the sunlight where she goes,
With every stormy tear I watch her disappear,
A smudge is only tragic if it shows.

You're going to be perfect,
All you have to do is smile,
It's my job to get you down the isle,
It'll be perfect and I'll never leave your side,
I promise you will be the perfect bride.

Believe in this day believe in this guy,
The love you have together,
When setting the date you couldn't wait one minute more,
And every bride deserves a Vicodin for nerves,
You'll say your vows a few feet off the floor.

Its gunna be perfect, not one place card outta place,
I'll handle mom's narcosis case by case.
I'll make it perfect,
She'll have nothing bad to say,
Not after I produce the perfect day,

Becca you are sheer perfection,
You don't have to try,
You're everything mom wanted me to be,
If we don't pass her inspection no one's gunna die,
She'll only spend a lifetime blaming me.

[Rebecca];
Jenny wait, you should know,
You're the one who set the bar so high,
Honestly I've always looked up to you,
The strongest, most selfless.

[Jenny];
No you're the strong one

[Rebecca];
No you're the strong one

[Jenny];
No you are

[Rebecca];
No you are

[Jenny];
No you are

[Rebecca];
No you are

[Jenny];
No you

[Rebecca];
No you

[Jenny];
No you

[Rebecca];
No you

[Jenny];
No you

[Both];
It's gunna be perfect,
We can be perfect.

[Rebecca];
Enough to make mom speechless.

[Jenny];
Well nothing that extreme,
A moments peace would be a dream.

[Both];
We'll make it perfect,
We're the perfect team.

(Performed by Josh Grisetti (Marty) and Lisa Howard (Jenny)

Marty
Who did you call when you got in trouble
Cause those six jello shots had you seeing double
Who kept you out of jail
Who

Jenny
Who changed your grade on the math computer
Cause you needed to show off to that recruiter
Who got you into Yale
Who

Who's known you better than anyone since you were eleven

Jenny
Bringing up the past trying to get me to forgive
Hoping I might let you off the hook
That'll never happen for as long as you live
So keep waiting and waiting and waiting

Marty
Who beat the crap out of Eli Levi
Cause he sat on your chest and he called you heavy
Who got the teasing to end

Who did you treat like a little brother
Cause he looked up to you like there was no other
Who did you call your best friend
At birthday parties that weren't much fun
Who was your best seven minutes in Heaven

Come on now, Jenny, think back
We were once best friends
We used to hang out, smoke pot in dad's Mercedes-Benz
So we committed crimes
Man they were such good times

Remember you were my first kiss

Jenny
Oh, this is just great

Marty
That's not so easy to dismiss

Jenny
Marty, you were only eight

Marty
And I stuck pasta up your nose

Jenny
Stop it

Marty
Your favorite spaghettios
Who taught you spin the bottle

Jenny
Who played Seidel to your Model

Marty
Who cheers you up when your blue
Come on say it
Who popped wheelies with your upit

Jenny
Who was Angel to my Buffy

Marty
Who's the biggest nut you ever knew

Marty and Jenny
Its gotta be no other heat between us two
Its you know, you know, you know
You know who

Murray (spoken):
Yeah!

Brian (spoken):
You couldn't have brought up a prenup before now!?

Murray (spoken):
You're about to inherit a lot of money, son. I'm just trying to protect you.

Brian (spoken):
But dad, I'm taking care of myself.

Murray (spoken):
What you have to realise, son is that 50% of marriages...

Brian (spoken):
End in divorce, I know!

Murray (spoken):
No, they last. Til death you you part.

Brian (spoken):
What if I say no?

Murray (spoken):
Well I'll simply get Henry re-jig your grandfather's trust so there's nothing in your name but debt.
Who do you think you're dealing with, boy?

Brian (spoken):
...I'll speak to Rebecca.

Murray (spoken):
Good job, buddy.
(sung)
A-5, 6, 7.
Back in the day, a man knew where he stood,
He'd wed a girl from his own neighbourhood.
She gave her word, you knew that word was good,
But now a girl's priorities can shift.

You get my drift, ba bazooky doo ba ba
Shuffle, ball change.

Brian (sung):
Thirty years old and I still can't stand up to my father
Decades of silence, still you have nothing to say.
Why bother talking when talking is not worth the bother?
Pathetic and sad, I'll promise you Dad,
We'll have that talk
*sigh*
One day,
One day.
Someday!

Shuffle, ball change!

[Thanks to ashinka96 for adding these lyrics]

(Performed by Tyne Daly (Judy)

Judy
I hate nice
Nice is wrong
Its pretending you're weak when you're strong
Cause you're walking on eggshells
God help me I'm no good at faking sincere
To be nice

Thank you for the rehearsal dinner last night, Georgette
The food was delicious

Georgette
The Hampshire club does do a good job don't they?
I think their secret is that they put bacon in practically everything

Judy
Rebecca's uncle Morty keeps kosher
He doesn't eat pork

Georgette
Not even bacon?

Judy
I hate nice
Nice is lies
Its befriending a bitch you despise when you just wanna punch her
Mom please don't make a scene
Careful not to say what you mean
This is nice

Georgette (Spoken)
Well I wont tell him if you don't
Haha look at us keeping secrets together
We're practically family already haha

It comes as no surprise to me
After all I was a member of the first Sorority at Radcliff
To allow people of the Jewish persuasion
I'll never forget that little Hebrew girl, Miriam
Miriam, we were great friends
Miriam...something Steen, Stein
Which is it?
I really wish you people would make up your mind on that one

Judy
Do something, Judy
Put her in her place to prove to them, Judy
You've got style and grace
Smile then thrust and perry
Don't appear contrary
Kiss and embrace
That's not what you call nice
Its baloney
The nice you know is real not phony
To you, nice is a sweater, a nice boy, nice kippered hearing
If you don't speak up soon you could start swearing

Its Stein, with an I

Georgette
Now we know
Isn't this fun

Judy
I cant remember having so much fun

Georgette
Me either
Fun fun fun
What a good idea

Judy
Thank you
You were right about Elsie
Its amazing what she can do with such thinning hair

I like nice
Nice is sweet
Its suspending your ethics to beat fancy pants at her own game
Oh boy am I forclempt its better than I ever dreamt
Playing nice

Georgette
Oh please, you're just saying that

Judy
But its true
Its like your whole face has been lifted

Here's to nice
Nice is grand
Its extending a welcoming hand
While you smack with the other
Just make the slightest change
Mentally rearrange
What you once thought was of ice
Is now nice

(Performed by Edward Hibbert (Albert) and Company)

All weddings have their problems, Jenny
Even couples who elope
But all of them are solvable so please don't give up hope
You'll find that I'm invincible, impervious to shock
[What are you, magic?]
No my sweet I've been around the block!

I am a nuptial Houdini
Conjuring in-laws and panini
I've tricks and fancy slights of hand galore!
(Aaaaah)
Divining like a crystal ball
(Oooooh)
Predicting problems big and small
But that's because I've seen it all before!

Dear Walt stepped on the wedding cake
[And there's still some in my shoe!]
[My god is there a backup?]
No of course not, there are two!
Aunt Sheila started drinking
[She'll chase anything in pants]
I found _______ a busboy, he's quite skillful, he's from France

[He is a nuptial Houdini]
Fulfilling wishes like a genie
(Aaaaah)
Before the the game is played I know the score
(He knows the score)
But let me make it very clear
(very clear)
It's not that I'm some mystic seer
(Mystic seer)
It's simply that I've seen it dear before

The bride found her husband in bed with a stripper
The groom got his naughty bits caught in his zipper
The ring bearing dog that got drunk on campari
The rhino who ruined a wedding safari
The groom so hungover the kiss made him throw up
That winter-spring romance when spring didn't show up
The bride so distraught that she needed reminding
A wedding day pre-nup's not legally binding
[Is that true?]
In New York State it is

[He's a pre-nuptial Houdini!]
She's got it!
[He makes my problems teeny weeny]
(Teeny weeny)
I'm Martha Stewart crossed with Dumbledore!
(With Dumbledore)
I live to serve so bring it on
(Bring it on)
I'm here from dawn till dusk till dawn!
(Dusk till dawn)
[Mothers who come on to strong, in-laws who don't get a long, nothing shocks him anymore]
In fact my life's a crashing bore!
[Seen it, done it, done it, seen it all before]
Oh yes I've seen it all before

(Performed by Harriet Harris (Georgette)

Where did I go wrong?
This is not what I planned in the least
Didn't want him to belong
To someone else till I was deceased
At thirteen I bought him a Bible
Wanting a celibate priest
When he didn't pray along
I sang a different song

Told him bachelorhood was grand
Once your charms have all been revealed
You'll be forever in demand
There's nothing wrong with playing the field
Though social diseases are awkward
With antibiotics they're healed
(Herpes outbreaks don't last long!)
I guess he took it wrong

You give them love and treat them like kings
A sweet pastiche of mother and son
They get one chance and cut the apron strings
Hasn't changed a bit, no denying it
The shorter the leash, the further they run!

Even tried to turn him gay
Bought him Barbie and Skipper and Dawn
Let him know it was okay
And we played dress up with eye makeup on
I took him to everything Sondheim
Those halcyon days are all gone
(He looked so cute in that sarong)
Would that have been so wrong?
How could he take on a wife?
I am the girl in his life!
Did that sound a little strong?
Where did I go wrong?!

(Performed by Lisa Howard (Jenny). Lyrics by Hargrove and Ernie Lijoi)

JENNY:
Poor Jenny!
Sweet Jenny!
Such a pretty face, but oh!
How you eat, Jenny!
I swear, there's not a man you couldn't date,
if you lose some weight.
They think I'm
Sort of pretty
Kind of sexy
Almost easy on the eyes
Sort of, kind of, almost,
Somewhat, nearly
Why not
Beautiful?
I am kind,
always kind
They say that only kindness matters in the end
In the end-
well, when the he' is that?
So what,
I'm freaking fat!
Why won't someone say,
Hey
You are beautiful
Through and through
You are beautiful
Yes, I mean you
Truly beautiful
I agree
She is beautiful!
Yes, I mean-
They are blind,
cruel and blind
I face this kind of blindness almost every day
Every day, I hear somebody laugh,
Some perfect blonde giraffe
Let me hear it now!
Whoooooa
You are beautiful
Through and through
You are beautiful
Yes, I mean you
Truly beautiful
I agree
She is beautiful!
Yes, I mean-
They say, if you believe in something
That makes it true
I am-
ANNIE: Jenny? Sorry to barge in. Your mom sent me to get you.
JENNY: I'm ready.
JUDY: And don't you look nice.

(Performed by Full Company)

All
Mazel Tov!!

Brian
Becca, you're a goddess and I'm not just saying that
Look at me I'm grinning like that smiling Cheshire Cat
You were true perfection and I have to tip my hat
Managing your mom to keep this day from falling flat

Rebecca
A perfect ending to a not so good beginning

Brian
Life affirming and a great set off

Rebecca
A perfect ending for a beautiful beginning
God be with us

Brian
Mazel Tov

Judy
Murray did you notice how I handled this with ease
I could dance the Hora even with the friggin knees
Maybe you should smack me harder, give my tush a squeeze
I'm not sure that I'm awake this day's been such a breeze

Murray
What wedding were you at?!

Judy
Shush
It was a perfect ending to a challenging beginning
Stunning, setting with a flawless bride

Judy and Murray
A perfect ending for a beautiful beginning

Murray
Goy we're jew and no one died
Hey

Jenny
Love, honor and cherish till you part
Then a simple kiss that breaks your heart

Annie
What a day gotta say
Thank God we're done

Greg
Lose the shoes grab the booze

Greg and Annie
Lets have some fun
The newlyweds are finally on their own
We could be the four of us alone

Georgette
I can't believe the boy is married
I can't believe I've lost my son
I can't believe this chapter of my life is done
An awful ending to a promising beginning
Near disaster pulled back from the brink
Awful ending and a bottomless beginning
Come, let us go find a drink

George
Champagne?

Georgette
We can start with that

Greg
Knock knock

Brian
Guys, you're not supposed to be in here

Greg
Why? Were you doing something naughty?

Annie
We brought Champagne

Jenny
Albert I forgot the Champagne

Albert
Ahead of you, ma'am

Brian
Annie, this is the cheddar you could

Annie
Haha, the hater you hood, exactly, no ones aloud in here for the next ten minutes. Its tradition

Greg
Plenty of time to celebrate

Jenny
It had to be perfect

Greg
A toast

Jenny
From the simple to the grand

Greg
To Brian and Rebecca

Jenny
Every single wish was my command

Brian
Best man

Rebecca
And woman

Jenny
I had it perfect

Rebecca, Brian, Greg, Annie
To us

Jenny
Made their union unsurpassed
And from the looks on both their faces
You know its gonna last

(Overlapping)
A perfect ending for a beautiful beginning
Life affirming and a great set off
A perfect ending for a beautiful beginning
God be with us
Mazel Tov

Love, honor and cherish till you part
Then a simple kiss that breaks your heart

All
Love, honor and cherish till you part
Then a simple kiss that breaks your

(Glasses drop)

Albert
I didn't see that coming

All
A kiss that breaks your heart

[GREG]
You, and only you forever
You and me. A tie we'll never sever
Will I ever leave?
Never ever
I could never tell you goodbye
I'll love you till the day you die

[ANNIE]
Now you'll always have me near you
You can speak, and I will always hear you
Want to know the truth?
I revere you
Love for you I'll always supply
I'll love you till the day you die

[GREG]
I always wanted to say to you "I do"
And now I'm so glad that I did
And I did because I love you more than life itself
Not because you're having my kid

[BOTH]
Ah

[GREG]
Forever!

[ANNIE]
Till the eagles fly!

[GREG]
And the stars burn out

[BOTH]
And the mountains cry!
Till the oceans run dry!
Till we touch the sky!

[ANNIE]
I'll love you till the day

[GREG]
Yeah, I will always stay!

[BOTH]
Until you fly away
I'll love you till the day
You die!
Die

(Performed by Lisa Howard (Jenny). Music by Barbara Anselmi lyrics by Brian Hargrove)

You better stop right there, 'cause you know that's not fair.
I pulled this off without a glitch!
So say goodbye, I'm done, I'm gonna have some fun.
I'm tired of being your bitch!
I'm gonna get me a little something something
And a little something else on the side.
Everybody else is celebrating
I wanna hop on that ride
Fix me a drink, then double it up!
And when my glass is empty, refill my cup
'Cause I'm gonna get me a little something something
And a little something else on the side

So what if I'm not that kind of girl?
Now I'm ready, to give these a whirl
Better make no mistake
It's a new day
Give me a break or get out of my way!
I've spent my whole damn life just waiting, waiting, waiting
Others danced, while I just sat on the shelf
I have lived to please, ain't no debating
I'm gonna live for myself

Give me a man who's more than talk
And when I give him back he won't be able to walk
Yeah, I said it!
I'm gonna get me a little something something
And a little something else
And a lot of something extra
And a great big heap of something something on the...
On the side
WOAH!!!

(Performed by Josh Grisetti (Marty)

[Marty];
If whatever means that wasn't accidental,
If whatever means you wanna hold my hand,
If whatever means you need me to be gentle,
Then I'll take whatever, whenever.

If whatever means you'll go for my advances,
If whatever means that kiss just turned you on,
If whatever means we both get second chances,
Then I'll take whatever, whenever.

You don't have to know that I have always felt this way,
You don't need to know that I've been hoping that you'd say,
Whatever.

If whatever means there'll be no more pretending,
If whatever means you feel the same way too,
If whatever means we get a happy ending,
Then ill take whatever whenever with you.

(Performed by Sierra Boggess (Rebecca)

Easy to do
That's what they say
Why are you waiting
To pick up the phone
Blast off a text
Stop this debating
The people you love
They need to know
Don't even try you can't defend it

Telling my mom
Seeing the look
That's what I'm dreading
And don't forget dad started to cry
Announcing my wedding
Just saying the words
Shatters their dreams
What if I'm not able to mend it

But I know the longer I wait
The harder it gets
So try to stick to the plan
Be true to myself
I'll have no regrets
Still I keep feeling they'll think
I'm just a little bit less than

If they don't ask
And I don't tell
They miss the best of me
When I deny
Part of my life
I risk the rest of me
Sure I can pass
Keep up the show
Deep down I know
It's time to end it

And the longer I wait
The harder it gets
So time to stick to the plan
Be true to myself
I'll have no regrets
Don't be afraid that they'll think
I'm just a little bit less than

Strangers I meet
Friends from before
Step to the edge
Walk through the door
No one is gonna stop me anymore
Silence isn't golden
Speak up right away
Bring those surprises to light
You know a life built on lies is just not right

The longer you wait
The harder it gets to tell them
The more you pretend
The more they've a right to condemn
Be true to yourself
You'll have no regrets
If you believe
You can announce it by decree
Let loose
Tell all
Be free
If I don't
I'll really be
A little bit less than

(Performed by Tyne Daly (Judy). Lyrics by Hargrove and Jill Abramovitz)

You think it's like in fairy tales and books
How the earth stops
And the clouds part
And the handsome prince falls right into your lap.
And you're kaput.
You melt like cheese.
But really, please!

Here's what they never tell you.
You never really know.
You get a feeling
Feel a something.
Take a breath and go.
There's no big crazy moment.
Instead it's bit by bit.
You'll make him laugh, he'll make you soup,
The shoe begins to fit.

And what they never tell you;
You choose if he's the one.
He's not a prince.
He's just a man,
When all is said and done.
'Cuz no one is that perfect.
Life is not that neat.
So take a chance,
And take his hand,
And jump with all four feet.

You can't live expecting your life to be Snow White or Cinderella.
Where everything is pretty and pink and pretend.
Just go and write your own story
With your best friend.

And let a mother tell you
Marriage goes like this;
You have your spats
You have your doubts
You swing, you hit, you miss.
But ask me if its worth it,
Would I do it all again?
When I think of my girls,
And I quell from my life
and I look at my Murray from so long ago,
Sweetheart.
Then you'll really know.

(Performed by Tyne Daly (Judy), Harriet Harris (Georgette), Chip Zien (Murray) and Michael X. Martin (George)

Judy
So you think your daughter's going to marry a guy.
All you planned to do that day was stand there and cry.

She wears your dress, she wears your pearls
And then she says shes pregnant and she sleeps with girls.
But am I surprised?

Georgette
That's Family
There's a chance I should have known that my son would be gay.
I encouraged everything to make him that way.
I showed him plays with thespians.
It worked so well he's gay and sleeps with lesbians.
But am I surprised?

Judy
It doesn't work that way

Georgette
I know

Judy and Georgette
That's family
You can make plans by the score
Involve your children and just watch the plans fly out the door

Georgette
Now our kids are getting ready to add to the klan

Judy
With so many of us bubbies its useless to plan

Georgette
What's a grandma?

Judy
The child will grow

Georgette
Will fret and fuss

Judy and Georgette
Then the kid will do to them what they just did to us

Georgette
Will they be surprised?

Judy
I hope so

Judy and Georgette
That's family

Murray
Did you see that our two wives are now related?

George
Is this real or are we both hallucinating?

Murray
Yes

George
Its true

Murray
Oy

George
Vey

Murray and George
Betcha stranger things will happen when you've become family

All
You can make plans by the score
Involve your children and just watch the plans fly out the door

(Overlapping)

Judy and Georgette
Now the kids are getting ready to add to the klan.
With so many of us bubbies its useless to plan.
The child will grow, will fret and fuss.
Then watch it do to them what they just did to us.
A word to the wise

Murray and George
Did you see that our two wives are now related?
Is this real or are we both hallucinating?
Yes, its true. Oy Vey.
Betcha stranger things will happen

All
When you've become family

Judy
Crazy

Murray
Contented

George
Devoted

Georgette
Demented

All
Loving, neurotic, adoring, psychotic
Mostly happy

Judy
What doesn't kill ya...

Georgette
Makes ya drink!!

All
Family